How to Create Clarity in a Busy Mind in 15 minutes

 

How to Create Clarity in a Busy Mind in 15 Minutes

I don’t know about you but the beginning of the year is a busy brain season for me. I’ve been creating goals, working on new ideas and doing lots of training. My brain’s been on overdrive, with so much that I want to do this year! I’m going to share my own busy mind experiences with you and my top tips for clearing mind clutter.

Thinking Ahead 

Our brains can easily go into overdrive when we start acting on our goals and it’s tough keeping all that information in our heads. I wrote about planning the year ahead in this post:  How to Write Awesome 2019 Goals Without Feeling Overwhelmed

• I’m sharing my social media plan printable with you. It’s great for anyone who wants to limit time on social media, but I did create it with Chronic Bloggers in mind. If you want productivity over busyness, grab it at the end of this post ⬇️

My problem with plans, is that I want to just crack on and forget I’ve got brain disease! I’ve always had a passion for planning, but it doesn’t always go to plan. I go full-on Laura mode, with ideas taking over every tiny bit of headspace left I have left. The bits not backlogged with blood and CSF. Ewww, sorry for that image. Wondering what’s CSF? ➡️ What is Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension/IIH?

I’ve not planned properly, since having left teaching, but this year I got busy creating planning grids for my blog, email and business strategies. I hadn’t planned to make them, which messed up my plans. 🤔 I was trying to do it all, forgetting to review and adapt and I gave that anxiety monster a VIP pass! As I practise grounding strategies often, I was able to calm my busy mind quickly and worked on strategies for organising my thoughts.

Write things down to make sense of your thoughts

To Do Notes are ok if they have some structure to them

 

If your brain’s overworked, get a pen and some paper and write your thoughts down. I don’t think ‘to do’ lists, are a productive way to form clear ideas from jumbled thoughts. They’re great for quick reminders, but not so great for bigger issues. So what could you use instead? Here are my top tips for creating clarity in a busy mind.

I normally use a diary but this year I decided to try a more structured planner.  Structure is important for focusing  your thoughts, whichever format is for you.

 

 

 

I brought my planner from StarCreationsCo on Etsy   It’s great because:

• It has a yearly and monthly calendar for planning ahead ✅
• it has a space for me to write my goals ✅ (I want those everywhere)
• It has a monthly page of squares for bullet journaling, so I can test the idea ✅
• It has space to plan, reflect and add your most important jobs ✅
• Most of all it’s really pretty and I can add stickers and washi tape ✅

You can see where I’ve rubbed out where I’ve planned too much here. No filter…

My planner has a week to view and is formatted to helps me organise my thoughts on paper

Reflection 

At the end of each day I always write 3 positive things which happened that day. There’s not quite enough space in the planner. So I’m using a gorgeous diary covered in recycled vintage Korean fabric from my friend’s lovely Etsy shop – The Vintage Bookworm. I write:

• I’m Happy because…
•  I’m Grateful for…
• I’m Proud of…

It’s so important to reflect on each day, each week, each month and each year to have a success with positive mindset! Take time to celebrate your successes, big or small. Reward yourself with a pamper, a bubble bath or just a pat on the back. These rewards trigger the pleasure centres of our brain and make us want more positivity.

 

An overly busy mind leads to overwhelm

An Overloaded Mind

When things get too much and start to become a mess in my head, I create head space by getting my ideas down on paper or notes on my phone. I’ve been creating structure so I can be productive and focused. I’ve made a social media plan a free printable for you ⬇️

 

 

My anxiety is usually from having an overloaded mind and this still gets the better of me sometimes. Structuring my thoughts and writing them down always calms my mind. I’m sharing the strategies I’ve built up over time with you and some I found on these sites;

Anxiety Canada.com  and Anxieties.com

How To Create Clarity In A Busy Mind In 15 Minutes

 

Top Tips for Creating Clarity in a Busy Mind in just 15 Minutes

 

When One Big Problem is Bothering You

1. Set a 15 minute timer and free write – This is a cathartic activity and works best with a real pen and paper so that you can let your thoughts spill onto the paper; clearing your mind clutter. If you avoid doing this your problem will get just bigger in your head. If you write it down, it may not seem as big a problem as you thought!
2. Speak to someone you trust – Find someone you know is a good listener, such as your partner or good friend. Set ground rules before you start and be clear that you’ll only spend 15 minutes talking about this. Going over and over the problem will create more negativity and isn’t good for your headspace. Say it, listen and move on.
3. Act on your negative feelings, before it becomes a problem – Are you feeling Stressed, Nervous, Frustrated or Anxious? Set a 10 minute timer and use this feeling to turn the problem into a question – e.g. Why am I anxious about going to the doctors? Then quickly list the reasons that come up. Write your answer down using positive language i.e ‘I can stop feeling anxious by writing my questions’.
4. Be solution focused

• Using a 3 minute egg timer – write down your problem. You can create a mind map or flow chart if visuals help you.
• Turn over the timer – write down your negative feelings about this problem. You may have many or just one. Write them as one main sentence about why you feel that way e.g. I feel really nervous about this job interview.
• Turn over the timer – write down what’s stopping you solve this e.g. I’m nervous because last time I forgot to say…! Be specific and don’t make assumptions.
• Turn over the timer – think about your ideal solution or a 1st step. Write this down e.g. I’m going to make notes on flash cards so I remember to say…

Some problems will need more than 15 minutes to solve completely, but these strategies can be adapted. If you ignore these big problems they’ll start to affect your health.

How to Cope with an Overactive Mind in 15 Minutes 

• Exercise daily – Daily you say? Yes, daily! I don’t mean a full on work out, we’re talking about 15 minutes here! You could: Take a 15 minute walk round the park, do 15 minutes of reps/sit ups etc or try a 15 minute morning yoga stretch. Exercise helps clear your mind and releases serotonin, which makes you feel good! Even from bed I do bed yoga (Yep, it’s a thing) most days. *Please make sure to check with you Doctor before starting any new exercise routine.
• Set a daily worry/thinking time – This one might sound strange, but you can retrain your brain by setting a regular time to sit quietly for 15 minutes and let those thoughts free. This only works if you’re able to distract yourself the rest of the day as we don’t want to lose you down that rabbit hole before you get to that time.
• Carry a little notebook and Pen – This one might seem obvious, but it’s a must. I tend to use my phone’s notes, it just needs to be portable. Offload your thoughts quickly before they get too heavy. If you’re a night worrier then keep one next to your bed too. Just set a timer for 15 minutes.
• Meditate regularly – Many of us struggle to fit this into our lives or think it’s too hard. I’ve used meditation daily since becoming ill as it’s known for creating calm. At first work on controlling your breathing and let your thoughts come to mind. Then let them go by focusing back on your breathing. A guided meditation will talk you through this process and there are loads available for free on YouTube or apps, such as Insight Timer. This is one of the top 5 things that help me stay positive. I’ve written more on this here. These are both great guided meditations for beginners.
• The Honest Guys Body Scan Guided Meditation
• Jason Stephenson Beginners Guided Meditation

Use Meditation to focus and create space for your thoughts, before letting them go.

• Turn negatives into a positives  – Set a 15 minute timer and grab a piece of paper. Draw a vertical line half way and write everything busying your mind. Then look at each one separately and try to turn it into a positive statement. E.g I’m not sleeping well, I’m so tired  | I will go to bed early and sleep will happen. This redirects your thoughts and establishes positive language, which helps you to remain focused and find solutions quickly.
• Use Affirmations for daily positive thoughts – I use these to focus on the big dreams, I dare to dream. They help keep me positive even on the worst days when pain and/or anxiety are off the charts! Affirmations are positive statements or intentions that tell your brain___ is totally going to happen! Using these daily can help you become who you dream of being! I’ve used them successfully for three brain and skull surgeries 😵. If you still want to be rid of negativity, I can help. I’ve created a set of affirmations for my Etsy shop and you can get your hands on a free sample today. See details below ⬇️
• Use a strategy to reduce the time you spend on Social Media – Let’s face it, we can’t get away from social media and as a blogger you need it. I take a total break or limit the number of sites I’m on when I need to rest. I recommend using an app to schedule your content ahead. You can be more productive by planning in bulk so that you can focus on engagement for 15 minutes before you post. If this is your style then please download my free social media planner printable below ⬇️. I created it for Chronic Illness bloggers, but it can be adapted for anyone.

Social Media Planner for Chronic Bloggers

Social Media Planner for Chronic Illness Bloggers using 15 minutes Engagement time before posting

In Conclusion 

Please take away the most important message from this – You need to write your thoughts down to make sense of what you’re stewing over. Set up regular habits to kickstart a cycle of positive thinking, reflection and reward. It’s really worth taking 15 minutes to convert your thoughts into beautiful ideas or solutions and it’s just as important to look after your brain as the rest of your body! Try out some of these ideas to find what works for you!

I’d love to hear from you if you try any of these out or want to share ideas that help you. Sharing is caring and with mental health, we need to keep an ongoing conversation!

Before you go…

My Etsy shop The Paprika Jewellery aims to support positive thinking by creating designs from positive themes. Jewellery & Accessories made from the soul, for the soul.

Want to be the first to know what’s coming and get your hands on exclusive deals? Grab a 15% coupon code for your next purchase in my Etsy shop and a free printable sample of my ‘Positive Affirmations’ by signing up to my occasionally regular newsletter today!

Click here to subscribe and grab your freebies!

5 Morning Affirmations To Guarantee A Successful Day!

5 Morning Affirmations To Guarantee A Successful Day

Hey there, are you someone who needs a bit of a boost in your day?

Maybe you’re feeling like you’re missing the mark at work, that your relationship’s doomed, that you’re useless because you’re chronically ill or that you’re just having disastrous days.

If you’re a negative thinker or a self-sabotager and the life you want seems a long way off, then this post’s for you! I’ve got tips for making positive changes by just spending a few minutes a day on affirmations. There’s even science to back that up! So now with your morning coffee you can start your day the positive way!

 

What are Affirmations?

Maybe you’ve heard of Affirmations but think they sound sappy or too out there. Maybe you don’t think they’d help as you’re ok, just not as successful as you’d hoped. Stick with me and I’ll show you how affirmations help you build a positive mindset.

Before I start you off on your journey to a successful day, you need to know what the deal is. I first heard of Affirmations about 15 months ago and now spend a few minutes each day on them. I think much more positively now and want everybody to realise they can find positive in every day. Here are a few simple tips to help you!

Set Positive Intentions

 

Affirmations help you set an intention for that day (or however long you need it for), starting with ‘I am’ for example. They’re a great tool for helping you think more positively and if used regularly, each day will be more positive! OK, so your thoughts won’t change overnight, but I can assure you that they’ll work if you stick with it.

 

 

You use something you want to feel, do or happen and write it as though it’s already happening. So instead of ‘I want to feel loved and happy’. Your affirmation says ‘I choose love and happiness’.

You may have to do a little bit of work to crack the code at first, but you’ll soon be starting your day the positive way. So if you’re feeling low or a bit meh; then this is such a simple way to structure your thoughts and create a positive loop:

positive thought = positive actions = self-worth = positive thought and so on.

How Affirmations Work

For an affirmation to work fully, you need to trick your brain. A bit like changing the TV remote’s batteries, you need to put negative and positive in the right place. Instead of matching them to a symbol, you need to rewire your thinking, especially if you’re a Negative Nelly!

To rewire your brain, you have to make Positive Polly drown out Negative Nelly. To do that, you need to say the affirmation out loud, more than once! Just like exercise to improve our physical health is repetitive, any exercise to improve our mental health needs to be repetitive. Practise makes Positive!

To Create this positive repetition, you could write them in your journal/diary, put them on a memo board/fridge or record them using a voice memo app and listen to them wherever you are. I use all 3 of these for maximum impact!

Each time you create these positive responses from affirmations, your brain kicks in the reward mechanism. I won’t get too sciencey, but if you use affirmations about your most important values, your brain will soon begin to have positive reactions.

These positive reactions create a reward, such as increasing your self-worth. Once your brain gets a reward it will want more. You’ll start thinking and acting more positively. You’ll value yourself and feel a sense of purpose. You’ll want to look after yourself more and start creating more positive than negative in your life.

I want to start you on this journey, so read on and see how much it helped me and get yourself set the 5 affirmations to start your successful day.

**Disclaimer – this won’t happen overnight! You’ll have to put the work in!

My Journey with affirmations

One of my favourite affirmations is ‘I replace anger with compassion and understanding’. When I first picked it from my set of cards, I wasn’t having the best day. I was angry with myself about something (I’ve no idea what) and almost put it back in the pack!

When I say I was angry with myself, I really mean that I felt guilty about something I probably should have done. It’s always been a habit of mine, but when I was still  processing my chronic illness I felt like this a lot!

Anyway, I left it on display for a couple of days and as suggested, I read it often and would say it too myself in my head every so often, as I wasn’t cool with saying it out loud at first. I started to feel calmer soon after making that choice to keep that card.

I started to feel less frustration and guilt and began to feel more positive. As I stuck with it, I found those Negative Nelly feelings were getting drowned out by Positivity Polly.

The more positive I felt the more positive action I took with my self care, which led to more positive thinking. And so the cycle continued and I was hooked!

5 Morning Affirmations to Guarantee a Successful Day

5 Morning Affirmations to Guarantee a Successful Day

So this is what you’re here for. If you’ve skimmed to get here then do make sure you know what you’re doing, you cheeky thing! I’ve made one for you and a blank one to put personalised affirmations in.

You can download these here: Morning Affirmations

I am full of gratitude and inspiration affirmation

1. I am full of gratitude and inspiration
2. Today is a wonderful new day, full of success
3. I am open to positive change
4. Today I will share my knowledge with others
5. My ideas are worthy of being shared

Blank Affirmation design for personalised affirmations

These are simple affirmations for success and to use each morning to set you up for a great day. Why not have a go tomorrow morning and come back and tell me about it!

If you’d like access to more free affirmations, then just sign up for my news and exclusives emails, using the pop up form or the link below. 

Sign up today for your free printable Affirmations cards

References

https://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/

If you’re really into Science then this explains why affirmations work and what effects they have on the brain. How Self Affirmation affects the brain

 

How to Write Awesome 2019 Goals Without Feeling Overwhelmed!

It’s Goal Setting Time. So how can you do this effectively, with a positive mindset? Here are my Top Tips!

 

Okay, I know there are heaps of blogs out there about planning your goals for 2019, but (and this is a BIG but), there aren’t many out there which give you tips, based on science, to help stop nasty overwhelm and anxiety come knocking.

So, if you’re likely to be run ragged over resolutions; inundated with intentions; in a tiz over targets or engulfed in a goal funk then you NEED to read this post! You can interrupt that cycle of overwhelm and anxiety triggers.

Why Me? 

Well, I’ve been there year after year. I’d make resolutions that would be forgotten by the end of January and endless to do lists that grew overnight. That was just at home! At work I’d have pages of lists and plans for every second. But, my professional targets would be in a folder until a week before my progress review!

I spent years making lists about lists and overflowing lists of things going round in my head, often keeping me up at night. I’d get distracted and put off doing what would move me forwards and achieve my goals. But now I know how to keep on top of my to do lists and manage my busy brain so I don’t get overwhelmed! You can too!

When Change Was Needed

When I fell ill in January 2014, you can imagine there were no resolutions being made. My focus was all on the one thing that was out of my control – getting better [I’ll come back to that]! I made a conscious choice not to make resolutions the next year, as they’re just too broad for me. I’d put too much pressure on myself, over-thinking and having negative experiences as it felt unachievable!

When I started taking my own business more seriously, even though it was mainly a pain distractor and boredom buster, I still wanted to succeed so I joined a new Facebook group, run by a coach called Josie. I was really excited by what she was saying about living with less worry, especially learning about the science behind my feelings. It was just what I needed to hear! Now I’m going to share some of what Josie’s taught me with you! You can read about what she does here: Worry Free

I soon realised I was still trying to do too much, leaving me drained when my husband and 2 boys needed me. I ended up giving myself just 1 goal: ‘I Will Be Kind To Myself’! I learnt so much about myself, mostly, that my family come 1st – Always! I’ve worked with Josie on my goals for the last 3 years now and each time has been different. From her amazing live videos, small group conference calls and support.

This year I’ve used her brand new Goal Creator download and video, which I’ll tell you how to get for FREE at the end of the post….

How To Write Awesome Goals for 2019 without being overwhelmed! 

The Big Review

One of THE most important parts of Goal Setting is looking back at what’s worked well for you in the past and what you could improve. It’s really important that you don’t skip this bit! Here I’ll share 2 exercises that might help you. Try it and see!

• Look back at 3 of your biggest achievements and 3 experiences that didn’t go well (avoiding triggers). List what stands out on both occasions?
• List all that went well for you in 2018. Do this quickly, without thinking too much. Is there anything from your goals that you didn’t achieve as you wanted to? Do you notice any patterns that could help with planning goals this year?

Finally, don’t worry if you didn’t achieve all of last years goals. You can be flexible.

Life Choices

Before doing anything, take a moment to think about your needs. Are you thinking how to create what you want more of or less of in your life? Overwhelm occurs if you don’t create balance. This exercise from Josie’s 6 week goal setting course can really help you zoom in on your needs. She explains it in more detail, but have a go!

1. Roles – family, worklife, hobbies and community/your tribe.
2. Relationships – family, friends, loved ones and other positive interactions.
3. Self Worth –  positive mindset/thoughts and how you value yourselfY

Priorities  

You may have a long list at this point. Now narrow it down to just 3 or 4 goals. Try rating these areas from 1 to 10.  This is based on an exercise from The Goal Creator.

• Personal Growth
• Emotional Well-being
• Romance
• Family & Friendships
• Self Care
• Hobbies and Fun
• Career/Work
• Money
• Your own Environment
• Health, Nutrition and Fitness

Which of these score the lowest number? The lowest of these should help you prioritise 3 or 4 goals. What do you need more of? What do you need less of?

 

 

What Might Be Holding You Back

Jot down the 3 or 4 goals you’re thinking of. Now take a step back and think of what might be holding you back from achieving them? Have you got any fears or worries?

There could be a few reasons for this. Ask yourself these questions:

• Is this goal out of your control? Remember when I said ‘Getting Better’ is my ideal goal, but I can only control some aspects of this. Yours could be ‘Becoming a Millionaire’. But things you can’t control at all, need to go. If you could control parts of it, then make the bit you can control your goal.
• Is it jumbled in your mind? Is there too much going round in your head and you can’t work out what to focus on?  Too help, can you see how the goal you’re thinking of fits into your Roles, Relationships and/or Self Worth?
• Is it too much to do? It’s quite possible that in your excitement, you’ve forgotten  these aren’t your long term goals. Realistically is it something you can do in under a year? If you don’t think so, then making this a goal could make you feel overwhelmed. Break it down into smaller chunks and try again.
• Is something already bothering you about this goal? Maybe you feel overwhelmed by how much you’ve got to do. Or maybe you feel pressure to succeed. Jot down everything you’re worrying about, then come back to it. Here’s a bit of science about Fear when setting and achieving our goals.

When under too much stress, the body’s natural response to fear may trigger the fight – flight response. When triggered, our bodies release chemicals which cause a burst of energy and strength, raising our heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate. This primal response to fear or stress is because our bodies can’t tell the difference between real or perceived threats. This may lead responses such as – anxiety attacks (flight), guilt (fight) or procrastination (freeze). The Fight or Flight response occurs when we are overwhelmed by everything we need to do. Want more? Click this link

Setting Goals

Now you should have some clarity on the goals you need to set. However, this is just a taster of the process that Josie takes you through with her Goal Creator training that you can get FOR FREE! So if you’d like more support then check out what she has to offer you at the end of this post!

1. Write down the 3 or 4 goals you’ve chosen to focus on. Why have you chosen these? What positive effect will working on these goals have?
2. Write down the steps you need to achieve each of your goals. Include everything that will accomplish your goals, especially the little things that may seem obvious – they’re important.
3. Use definite language for each goal – using ‘I will’ instead of ‘I want to’. Using this language helps to set your mindset and believe that you will achieve your goal in 2019!
4. Go back to each step and set a date that you think is reasonable for completing  that step. This holds you accountable for your actions and keeps you focused.
5. Write down your goals where you’ll see them daily. Get creative! This ensures you’re thinking of your goals each day and will encourage you to act!
6. Choose a reward for completing each goal. How will you celebrate? It doesn’t have to be a material reward, you can get your a manicure or have a date night, for example. This might seem silly, but it’s a really important part of the process. Josie has kindly explained the science behind using rewards:

The brain loves rewards. It loves to feel like it’s getting somewhere. So, when we reward ourselves for small actions, we are sending positive brain chemicals around our bodies. The more we do this, the more we create these positive chemicals which encourage us to do more of the things that keep us safe and well. The more we do this we are creating positive reinforcement. So the more positive actions we take, the greater success we will have. This will keep you focused, motivated and feeling good!

In Conclusion 

When you have lots running around your head you can get into a negative cycle of overthinking. Having a busy brain can affect both your physical and mental health! Getting your ideas down on paper will help you to stop worrying about everything.

Then you can work around your strengths and create a positive mindset for goal setting. When you consider your priorities you can create meaningful goals, which can be broken into small, manageable steps. Finally, by rewarding wins, you create a positive cycle which leads to more and more success. Now go and create your awesome goals for 2019, without feeling overwhelmed!

The Goal Creator 

Yay – you’ve found the link to Josie’s FREE Goal Creator training, that’s brand new for 2019! Whether you’ve read all my tips or skimmed your way here; It’s a win!

The Goal Creator workbook and video will help you get clarity of mind by getting things down on paper. You’ll be able to move forwards and take small actionable steps to stop overwhelm and lead you to success.

The Goal Creator Free workbook

The Impact of Positive Mindset on Taking the Old into the New #NYE2018 #positivemindset #poetry

Here’s my take on using positive mindset strategies to let go of the old in anticipation of the wonderful opportunities ahead. More importantly, I talk about the importance of spending time in the now!

 

I hope you can make 2019 the year that you learn to be present and mindful of taking each day at a time. Please enjoy my poem and then spend a little time reading it again to recognise where you could take on 1 New way of looking at a part of your life next year!

Follow me @Strength Of Tears on Instagram

Or @Strength Of Tears on Facebook

My Not So Secret Poetry Diary – A Date with Anxiety #copingwithanxiety #poeminspiration #mentalhealthblogs #chronicblogger

My Date with Anxiety

It’s been a tough ten days in my chronic illness warrior body, so I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve been feeling – eek, it’s time to get real peeps!

I’m going to reflect briefly on what’s been happening to my body and mind each day. But hey, remember this is me writing so, even though I’ll be totally honest, I’ll make sure there’s a positive to everything! This is the story of my Date with Anxiety.

I keep a diary (not a journal) and use it to pace my daily activities. Randomly through the year I write little notes of my strengths and personalised affirmations. Then in the evening I write 3 positives from that day.

Friday 7th December

I couldn’t sleep last night, it’s been disrupted all week, but this was next level. The pain was intense and relentless and I couldn’t understand why. A friend visited me yesterday, which had made my day. She never stays too long and spotted when I was flagging. I hadn’t napped either so I expected knock on effects, but why was it SO bad?

At 3:30am my heart started racing and I was breathless and dizzy – losing control. This panic attack came out of nowhere!. I got up to use the en-suite and collapsed, but my amazing husband Joel woke immediately and rushed to my side. Then he hugged me tight, that hug that let’s me know I’m not alone!

I ended up taking a strong dose of diazepam, but I still didn’t get much sleep and when my carer arrived at lunchtime I was stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted. She took such good care of me and was extra gentle, seeing me so poorly. I recognised at the end of the day that I’m a very lucky lady to have such wonderful souls looking after me!

Saturday 8th December

Hardly any sleep again last night! The meditation and breathing techniques I normally use didn’t help and the day was littered with panic attacks, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I was on full anxiety alert. Thankfully Joel was amazing with me through it all again and encouraged me to go downstairs for a change of scene.

Before going down I had a shower which was an accomplishment in itself. I still had panic rush up on me again and I just wanted to run away! But Joel guided me through it all, holding my hand I calmed down. Eventually, drained and emotional, I managed a 10 minute nap watching TV, on Saturday evening and finally got some relief.

I’ve not had a flare like this in years!

Sunday 9th December

I’ve managed to sleep much better at last, but I feel battered and bruised from the state of alert my body’s been in the last few days. I know my brain has had the acute stress response or fight or flight. This is exhausting as despite having a large toolkit for dealing with stress, I’ve struggled to access these strategies whilst in a state!

I’m being kind to myself today and have prioritised getting downstairs to be around my boys, so that they can make me laugh and help me heal. The mental bruises take just as long, if not longer than physical to heal, but I’m slowly building myself back up.

This link explains what might happen during a panic attack.

Monday 10th December

I’m still feeling fragile today, but at last my body has decided to catch up on some of the lost sleep. I’ve cat-napped all day, with a little break at lunchtime when my carer arrived. I have no idea what we were talking about but we were cackling away! Joel was working downstairs (a little cushion for me – knowing he’s around even if he’s busy) and commented on the cackling as soon as he did pop upstairs!

Now that I’m trying to process my feelings, I was brave and decided to write a poem about the feelings I experienced. It’s important to reflect on any kind of anxiety attack however you do it, but sweeping it under the carpet won’t help you in the future!

Tuesday 11th December

I finished the poem this morning when I woke up early. Most of my poems are at least started when I’m either not getting to sleep or waking early. This was an early morning finish! I love creating the poem on a lovely background, using stock photography, which is perfect for sharing on social media. I loved the reaction this poem received!

I also chose to explain a little about what I’d been exploring when I wrote this poem. However, I’m not yet used to being so open about my own mental health whilst I’m still fragile. But I’m committed to raising awareness and always think about the fact that what I write might help just one person!

I talk about my anxiety levels rising as the lack of sleep and increased pain added up. But although I’m drained, I do have a strong mental health toolkit – full of strategies that I practice regularly. I know how to use these help build myself back up. Knowing that I’m my only priority in this instance is key to bouncing back!

Well, I thought that I’d got my groove back as the week went on but I’ve struggled again the last few nights, especially last night when I managed about 90 minutes all night. Thankfully I dozed all morning, catching up a bit on all that lost sleep from pain. However, I’ve managed to keep the anxiety in a box by using my toolkit. See below…

No mental health blog is complete without a few top tips.

If you or someone you know suffers a panic attack, try these tips!

• Exercise

Exercise is one of the quickest way to deal with the raised stress levels that come with a panic attack. My physical illness stops me from going for a run (think flight…), but I can do some bed yoga, even though I take it even more carefully than normal! Some good stretches and shoulder rolls are a great way to shake it off!

• Talking through the experience

A panic attack is our body’s way of telling us we’re in danger. It’s unlikely you’re in any danger, but tight chests and trouble breathing are all primal reactions to danger. This can trick the mind, almost like a tripwire. So rationalise and talk your physical feelings through with someone. The more you practice, the sooner you’ll interrupt the signals between the brain and the body and if you do this when you’re not in the acute stage, the quicker your training will kick in when you do feel anxious or panicky.

• Laugh, Smile and spend time with your loved ones!

What can make the stress disappear more than having fun with your friends and family. Make time for each other, put down your phones and other technology and talk. You’ll notice how often I talk about being with Joel and my boys. They make me laugh out loud every day and the feeling is mutual. It’s one of the strongest things we have as a team and we are definitely the reason for all of us usually coping so well!

• Relaxation and Mindfulness

I talk about meditation and mindfulness in most of my blogs because they are the easiest ways to relax. You can train your brain to take it slowly and/or meditate daily so it calms and controls your breathing. Then you automatically have these skills to help you relax during an anxiety attack. Body Scan Guided Meditations are ideal (search YouTube) and I are some of the easiest meditations to start with. You may find that something else relaxes you, such as taking time to be present or sitting in nature.

I hope that this sneak peek into my world has helped give you an insight into panic attacks and how they can come about. I have let you in to these thoughts because I believe that mental health is as debilitating as physical health can be. They are also often intertwined and life can be tough and lonely if you keep it all inside. I feel very strongly that sharing my experiences is vital to ending the stigma that surrounds mental health. I only discuss this to raise awareness, I’m not seeking sympathy!

If there’s one thing you have learnt from my Date with Anxiety or one thing that you can take away to help yourself or your loved ones, then please let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

**AND if you’re not affected directly, then please remember that you never know what someone is going through, so please take the time to listen and talk to each other!

I’ve referenced these websites and blogs whilst writing this post:

Anxiety and Panic Attacks- Mind.org

6 ways to switch off the fight or flight response

Understanding the stress response

How the flight or fight response works

How to stay sane when stuck in bed with chronic illness or recovering from surgery. An insider’s guide

Staying level headed with debilitating pain. 

Those of you that already follow my story know I’m no stranger to surgery. I’ve  had my 3rd brain stent surgery for IIH (Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension ) on 15th November. I was aiming to get downstairs on Saturday and I made it. It’s so important to have goals to keep you motivated. I had a family day yesterday too!

But I’m going to be spending this week in bed again recovering, as expected. My pain levels are high today and I had a bad night’s sleep, but I don’t regret it. Days with family are what keep you going . My condition is extremely debilitating but I’m not seeking sympathy; I share my experiences to raise awareness!

Please note: if you have questions about IIH, any chronic illness or mental health concerns; please speak to a trained health professional. These tips are about self care and any advice I share is based on my own experiences.

I shared this selfie on social media, 10 days after surgery. It was youngest’s 13th birthday and I was in bed, fed up that I couldn’t celebrate. The response to this post has been amazing. I received lots of supportive messages and my husband, Joel, was asked at work how I stay sane and positive when I’m stuck in bed for weeks – struggling to get to my en-suite bathroom at times.

So here’s my guide to staying sane as a chronic and invisible illness warrior! 

• Don’t fight the pain! I used to be determined not to give in to the pain and I’d push myself to do too much too soon, making my recovery take longer. Now, I try to listen to my body and have retrained my brain to know that it’s okay to rest, This has taken years of making mistakes, until being taught to recognise and change patterns in my behaviour by my coach, Josie (details below).

• Ask friends and family to tell you when you’re looking tired. It’s easy to miss signs that you’re flagging, but don’t shy away from asking those close to you to say if you look like you need to rest. If someone tells me I look rough I’m not offended, I just realise that I do hurt a lot and may need that pain relief!

• Remember your condition doesn’t only affect you. A delicate ecosystem occurs for most familes when someone has a chronic illlness. This means any change has an effect on family life. If you’re the one in constant pain, then your contribution to family life is probably limited. For example, I usually do online grocery shopping and am usually the mediator. Plan for those times when you can’t make your usual contribution. Try asking a friend to pop to the shops or do some jobs around the house, so your partner doesn’t have to do everything!

• Give yourself time to recover. I always seem to forget how tough living with daily high level pain is or how hard recovery from surgery is. So I tend to think I’ll cope better than I actually can. Now I set myself goals and break these down into smaller steps. E.g restarting your physio or getting dressed before venturing downstairs. Whatever goals/steps you take need to be all about you! This is the time to practice self care! Maybe keep a pain diary or notes after surgery, so you can look back at what has worked for you in the past,

• Be honest about having visitors. Let’s be honest, the novelty of surgery soon wears off and friends might get bored with your chronic illness. You’ll probably stop getting as many flowers and cards, but hopefully your friends will still support you as much as ever. For me, receiving a text cheers me up, but having visitors (when you can) is vital! You’ll get a mental boost and it breaks up the bedroom boredom. But, if you’re in too much pain; be brave and postpone. True friends will understand and if they don’t, then you don’t need them!

• Keep a gratitude journal. I spend time every day reflecting on what I’m thankful for. I write 3 positive things in my diary every night or the following morning, This can be anything and it’s the little things that count when you’re recovering from surgery or a bad flare. Washing my hair, managing to eat a proper meal, having a snuggle with Joel or a giggle with my boys mean so much to me in that acute pain phase. I’d suggest starting getting into this routine before surgery. It’s also really nice to share these with friends or family!

• Meditate. I can’t explain how much meditation helps keeps me calm in hospital and in the following weeks. I download my favourite meditations (in case there’s no WiFi) on my phone and take my headphones to block out the horrible noises on a ward. They also help me sleep between hourly obs through the night! I also use techniques I’ve learnt to visualise my happy place to lie still during a procedure or anaesthetic. You can read my tips for meditation here.

• Use affirmations to visualise positivity. Ok, so I know the word meditation may have scared you off, but stay with me! Using affirmations has been the key to staying sane through 3 brain and spine surgeries this year! I also use affirmations cards from TheYesMum  (@theyesmummum on Instagram) daily.

My coach Josie, from Worry Freedom created personalised affirmations to help manage my worries, which are mainly about how surgery impacts my family. She turned each concern into a positive affirmation, such as ‘I am proud that my boys have built resilience’. I record these as voice memos on my phone and listen to them before, during and after my stay in hospital. They’ve helped me to stop worrying about everyone else and concentrate on my one job – healing.

• Ask family to spend time with you in your bedroom. When you’re always in bed, it can get very lonely. So, whether it’s snuggling with Joel watching TV, having a chat about the day or watching a film with everyone on the bed; having my family come to me is so important. For example, we ate youngest’s birthday meal in my bedroom, so that I could still be a part of his special day.

• Entertainment. I’ve always been against TVs in bedrooms (personal choice), but after my first surgery Joel set one up in my bedroom so I could watch my favourite comfort movies. It’s stayed! I rely on my iPad so when we realised this was going to be our new normal, Joel set up Apple TV so I have lots of choice. I’ve also have audible and Spotify so I can listen to gentle music or spoken word on the days when I can’t open my eyes.
• Bonus Tip – When you’re doing better, but still stuck in bed or the house I think you need a hobby. Many chronic illness warriors craft and this helped me not to feel so lost when I’d been diagnosed. I’d taken silversmithing classes before falling ill, so I began making beaded and up-cycled creations. Now I run my own online business with an Etsy shop. I’m closed whilst I recover, but I’ll be posting more about this as I prepare for reopening. You can see what I make on my social media pages too. ⬇️

Paprika Jewellery & Accessories

Paprika on Facebook

Paprika on Instagram

Paprika on Pinterestl

Paprika on Twitter

So these are my top 10 tips for managing to stay positive, or at least rational when can’t do anything. But hey, we’re all different and these are just what works for me, If you’ve got the money to invest in working with a coach, do it! It’s all about finding solutions and a good coach can change your outlook! I had counselling after diagnosis, when I was still grieving for the life I’d had. If you’re struggling please talk to your GP/Doctor straight away!

Are you recovering from major surgery? Do you have a chronic illnesses? I’d love to hear about what you’ve tried if you’re housebound or bed-bound. What tips do you have to keep rational and level-headed? 

Life as a bed-bound workaholic. #chronicillness

Stopping work due to ill health usually leads to a feeling of loss and purpose. For workaholics, giving up a career just adds to the grief of a previous life. If you’re also mostly bed bound; it’s almost impossible to give in.

On being a workaholic 

I’d wanted to teach from age 5 and I loved it from the moment I stepped in the classroom. I was a workaholic, working nights and weekends, to try to make a difference.

Teaching is so much more than a job, you never stop thinking about some aspect and with you take on many roles.

When I had my boys I worked part time, but was still working a 40-50 hour week. A workaholic is compelled to keep working and creates a life that’s out of balance. Read more here. Being a mum always came first, but I always felt the need to be doing something. Just a workaholic in another role; feeling like I couldn’t do either role justice. In hindsight; I know I gave both roles everything I could.

Becoming Bed-Bound

If you’ve read my story, you’ll know I had to stop teaching when I became ill. When we came to the mutual decision that I should be medically dismissed, I knew it was best for everyone. However, I struggled with the reality of having to bow out, from my bed, with no farewell, after the 14+ years I’d dedicated to my profession. I still wish I’d done more, but I’m proud of all that I achieved and that I had some influence on so many little lives.

We realised that becoming bedbound had a silver lining. I could now just enjoy the most important job I had and put everything I could into motherhood, without throwing life out of balance! We love that I’m more present and less stressed. Now I love hearing the key in the lock, anticipating my boys coming to see me.

However, as a workaholic, even a bed-bound one with brain disease, I still needed to be DOING something. So I began making jewellery and soon discovered Conscious Crafties Marketplace The site was set up to give those with chronic illness, disabilites or their carers a sense of purpose again. You’ll find this statement on the site’s homepage.

‘A community of talented artists and crafters who are living a purposeful life by changing the way humanity perceives those living with Chronic Illness, Disabilities or Carers of those affected’

This amazing community has helped me connect with others who understand what we’re going through. I’ve made many true friends and am living a purposeful life. But, I’m a busy minded person and so volunteered to help Karen (the founder) run the site. Everyone tells me I do too much, but I thrive on helping others and love organising things. But I was juggling all of this and more, from bed, and it was beginning to impact on our family time, so something had to change!

Breaking Free

Making the best of family time

I needed to break some of the bad habits I’ve developed over years of being a workaholic. But I have the best motivation; to bring balance in to my life. I’ve looked at my behaviour patterns and found I was spending far too much time on social media. I’m now slowly re-training my brain to know that it’s okay to rest!

Josie from Worry Free told me that ‘My JOB is to heal. By giving me a role/job of healing and rest, I have that all important role we crave and am now a resting workaholic! Such a simple idea, but so effective; I’m already breaking bad habits,  doing less and achieving more. Ultimately I’ll have more quality time to spend with my family.

 

#IIH life in the slow lane!

I’m finally posting an update after my 2nd surgery, nearly a year on, so thanks for your patience while I’ve been in the slow lane! I’ve been on a rollercoaster journey with my IIH (Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension) over the last year.

WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING?

In June 2017 I had my second skull surgery and 4 weeks ago I had the same operation on the left. They have removed the C1 vertebrae mass on both sides to make space for the jugular vein that was squashed; preventing blood draining from my brain. I use a plumbing analogy to explain this. If you think of the veins as the pipes, you’d remove the blockage at the top first, because if you remove the top blockage beforehand, you’ll just create a bigger blockage below. This is how my surgeons work, slowly and methodically to ensure that all surgeries are exacting.

The surgeries have been difficult for us all. I’m not scared of surgery, but I worry about how my boys and Joel will handle the added pressure. This time, I’ve asked for help from the wonderful Josie Brocksom of Worry Free who gave me strategies to help me deal with my concerns and trust that Joel would be able to cope with the additional pressure, which of course he has. She has also taught me that it’s ok to rest, so this time I have let myself stay in the slow lane so that I can heal!

I’m lucky enough to be covered by private healthcare. One of the biggest perks is having a private room of course, but I love the food too! Yes, really! I’ve been waiting to show you this photo of the yummy lunch I had the day after my surgery last year. Just look how good that was! I just had to order the same this year too!

Before I continue, I wanted to address a question Joel and I get asked so often:

HOW DO WE KEEP SO POSITIVE?

As with everything in life, we have some choice. Of course, I have no control over how the IIH affects me, apart from my pain relief. However, I do have control over how I manage to stop my high pain levels, from affecting my mood. Myself, Joel and my boys also choose how much we let IIH affect our own lives and time together.

I’ve been able to share over 20 years with my best friend. Joel is affected by IIH just as much as I am. However, amongst experiencing all my of pain, constant worry and looking after us; he works incredibly hard in a tough job. He is also an advocate for carers through the Family Matters team across the whole of Lloyds Banking Group! He keeps me going and picks me up when I fall. He makes me laugh til it hurts and ensures that the children have emotional, physical and comical needs met. I couldn’t ask for anything more and I know I’m lucky to have him by my side at every step.

I can’t say all is peachy, as of course it’s not: I still cry, get frustrated and have meltdowns-I’m only human! Joel and the boys keep me fighting this disease and get on every day. We’re open with each other and share our experiences with others who just get it.. We also have the opportunity to raise awareness of how to stay positive when chronic illness affects a family, and we are both very proud to do this!

THE SURGERY

When the wizard has (my ENT specialist surgeon) removed part of the C1 vertebrae, he gets as close to the nerve as possible; without it being dangerous. This is only done for the few like me, by the team in Cambridge. They’ve developed procedures to reduce unwanted side effects and they explain everything so well. They are now developing other studies and sharing their findings with the medical world.

I was only in overnight both times and have a drain in which helps to limit the chance of having unwanted side effects. These are shoulder weakness, trouble swallowing and a hoarse voice. It’s too gross to show, but here are my post op selfies!

2016-feeling warm and puffy!

2017-Looking amazing on oxygen all night due to low SATs

The operations have both been successful. The scans show that the jugular vein is no longer under pressure and the blood can flow freely through the veins there now.

NEXT STEPS:

During my pre-op testing (ct venoplasty/venogram), my neuro radiologist found arachnoid granulations pushing on my stent and narrowing the flow of blood. These are normal lesions found in the venous channels that allow the CSF to flow into the venous channels. These are rarely found in the transverse sinus, however, and unfortunately they are growing around and through the stent in the left side. This explains why I started to go down hill again a few months after last year’s surgery, so I will need a procedure to stretch the stent and push the granulation back.

Unfortunately, I also need a stent in the right transverse sinus, so I have been referred back to the neuro radiologist following our check up in Cambridge yesterday. It’s good to know that we are moving forward surgically and it means that I can focus on my goal of reducing the morphine even more. The transverse sinus is part of the venous system in the brain and allows the blood to drain from the back of the head. If you’d like to know more, I have a reference to this medical article here.

Last year’s surgery was such a success that I was able to travel abroad, have a 40th birthday party and generally spend more time with my family. This is my priority and as I was able to reduce the dose of morphine I take in the morning a few months ago, I now need to get back on track with that as I come out of the other side.

I’ve big plans with my family this year and although I always suffer, it’s so important that I try and enjoy my life as much as I can. I don’t know how much I will recover from this disease. This means making the most of life NOW! This is why we decided to visit the Imperial war museum yesterday on our trip to Cambridge. This was only my second trip out of my bedroom since surgery. Although I only managed half the visit in the museum and the other half lying down in the car, I’m amazed that I was able to do tbis and even though I’m exhausted today, I’m still finishing this blog!

As it’s only a month post op, I can’t say much has changed; although I haven’t passed out since, which was happening weekly beforehand. But, I feel like I’m turning the corner now and have every faith that symptoms will continue inproving quickly, as soon. I had such a positive response from last year’s surgery,  I feel positive that I will continue making baby steps towards achieve my goal to reduce my meds and increase time with my loved ones. So, I’m still in the slow lane, but I’m happy here for now whilst I carry out my job of healing, and continuing to rest!

Please check out my social media accounts and stores if you’re inspired:

http://www.facebook.com/Tearsofstrength

http://www.twitter.com/happyiihgirl

http://www.instagram.com/paprikajewellery2

http://www.pinterest.co.uk/PaprikaJeweller

SHOPS:

http://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/ThePaprikaJewellery

 

You’re giving me a bit of a migraine and other wrong uses of adjectives…

Last week I wrote a piece on mental health and chronic illness and how they are often co-morbid. Whilst researching the piece I found this striking image and after trying to fit it in to the post, decided that it was addressing too many issues on top of the ones I was already addressing. However, it’s been bugging me ever since and despite having had a terribly painful night with little sleep, I need to get this bug-bear off of my chest.

I really identified with the ideas in this picture and have often found it really irritating to hear people discuss mental health issues in this way; using adjectives to create the impression that somehow they are not responsible for their behaviour. It got me thinking…

I bet someone that says “you almost gave me a panic attack” has never really experienced the frightening heart-racing, sheer and utter hysteria that comes out of nowhere for no real reason. I have. It’s scary and it’s debilitating and I’ve had it diagnosed by a medical professional.

Does someone that say “I’m a bit OCD mean that they’ve been diagnosed as being on the lower end of the spectrum? (I doubt it)  or does someone that say “you look so anorexic” to a young girl think of the power of those words and the actions she might take because of it?

Do you ever have a really bad headache and say “I’ve got a bit of a migraine?” Loads of people do. That’s part of the problem you see, and why there is such a stigma around migraine. A migraine isn’t just a bad headache. You shouldn’t say you have a migraine unless you’ve been diagnosed by a medical professional such as your GP or a neurologist. There are strict guidelines for diagnosing migraine, just as there are for diagnosing bi-polar or OCD (which thankfully I do not have) and by stating that you have a migraine without being diagnosed with them only adds to the ‘shame’ of suffering with them.

Now, I’m very lucky in that I don’t have people in my life that don’t believe that I’m unwell; however as you know my story is complicated by this whole IH and restricted venous outflow malarkey. But so many people are stigmatised for having migraines when they are chronic and are affected by them for more than 15 days a month. As you can imagine, this leads to missed days at work, cancelled meetings and lack of social and family life. People that are affected by chronic migraine are often bullied in the workplace; lose friendships and sometimes even have family members turn their backs on them. The reason for this? Because they think they are making it up! This happens to loads of people in the IIH community too. I see it on loads of posts on the Facebook support group, where people have to try and convince their family that they are really unwell and not just trying to get benefits. I can assure you, that it’s hard enough to get the help you need when you are housebound, it’s not easy to blah benefits anymore!

I’ll be honest; I have lost a couple of friends along the way; people who I thought were good friends, some who I’ve even supported when they’ve been ill, but I haven’t lost many. In fact I’ve gained friends through support groups and strengthened many friendships, where true loyalty and kindness have shone through! And, I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for the school mums community coming together and offering to help out with lifts back from school, play dates in the holidays and even dropping in for a cuppa to keep me sane too!

It’s hard to be around someone who is ill; I get that, I can be boring when I’m tired from all the pain and  medications. I can be quite funny too though from some of the medication! I say the wrong words, I repeat myself ALOT! I forget what you’ve told me and ask you the same questions or forget to ask you about something important. And I’ve even managed to send my ‘amazing friend’ a weird voice message without even knowing. However if I’m depressed, (which I have been diagnosed with, alongside anxiety) then I can be even more difficult to be around. I guess that is why we find out who our true friends are when we are ill. There are some ideas of things to say to people that are depressed such as in this article.

I don’t normally write with a negative attitude and I hope that this post isn’t too negative but sometimes things just need to be moaned about; not because they’re happening to me but because I’m being an advocate for increasing awareness about migraine and IIH and life with chronic illness. So please don’t use mental health conditions as adjectives, please don’t say you have a migraine unless you’ve been diagnosed by a medical professional and please don’t say these things to someone who is chronically Ill:

Everyone I have met who has a chronic illness, be it IIH, chronic migraine or any other condition; fights harder than anyone to just get up in the morning. They have usually tried every ‘cure’ or tried to change their habits or their environment if they can. I know because I have tried more than you can imagine and none have made a long lasting difference for me. So as a last word on this post, I just want to say that whilst you might do things that do give someone a migraine, unfortunately we sufferers, have to try and control our own triggers and can only ask you politely to not wear that perfume, or talk so loudly or to keep the blinds closed. However, if you do hear us say we that we are in too much pain to come out with you or to go to work, then if you just say that you believe us you will make our day one step easier to get through.

Thank you for reading this post!

Mental illness-the light at the end of the tunnel??

With every story of chronic illness comes a side order of mental illness. Some people, of course handle their situation better than others, managing to hold down a job and healthy relationships etc. For some however, the struggle to find that ’light at the end of the tunnel’ that everyone keeps talking to them about, from the minute they’re signed off with a medical certificate for more than three weeks, becomes a constant battle with lining up the pills in pretty patterns next to the vodka bottles. Of course there are many of us that are in between the two ends of the spectrum.

The past week has ‘Stop the Stigma’ week; a week aimed at raising awareness of mental health issues set up by a small group in the US and it has spread via social media. I’ve decided that now is the time for me to write this blog although it has been fluttering in the cobwebs of my mind for a while. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mental-Health-Awareness-Week-2015/1392190864384089

This will not be an easy blog entry to write and therefore I want to warn you now that it may not be easy to read. If you are a stranger, then I hope it makes you stop and think about someone that you do know with a chronic illness and maybe make you reassess how you may respond to them or interact with them. If you’re a friend or family member then I’m sorry if anything I write in this blog is upsetting; however, the point of this is that by sharing my story, my vulnerablity, that more awareness of mental health issues are raised. It will take courage to write about some of the content of this post, however because I know my children can google this blog anytime they want, I will have to use some self censorship. I am terrified of what starting this blog is going to bring up and how I’m going to handle it but for now I’m going to sleep on the ideas that are starting to formulate……

Firstly, let me say that I am not an expert in mental health issues, nor have I suffered particularly badly with them myself. I had a brief spell of post natal depression where I suffered with panic attacks; these were diagnosed by the midwifes,  as the attacks started whenever I left my second son in SCBU and went away from the hospital, even for the briefest time. The diagnosis was a relief, because they thought it might have been a pulmonary embolism due to complications after delivery. However, after we all got home the symptoms continued and worsened to the point of my GP immediately referring me for counselling. I developed a good relationship with my counsellor and her technique worked and I was soon cycling to the appointments and rebuilding myself. I was given the standard NHS 6 sessions but that was enough for me to get my life back on track so that I could look after my children and be a happy wife and mother again.

That was my first personal experience of mental illness but I grew up around it even though it was something that wasn’t really discussed. Well, I remember being told about things that had happened, those things still haunt me now, but not understanding them. I won’t go into these events as I don’t have those people’s or their families consent. I can however tell you that I remember some incidents making me feel like I should be able to do something to make it better or ‘fix it’ or that it was somehow my fault. As I’m sure you can imagine I am now a ‘fixer’ and have a very high tendency towards feeling guilty. Interestingly, a counsellor I saw at the beginning of this 16 month long nightmare of a migraine/headache/iih thingy, told me that guilt is “being angry at yourself because you can’t be angry at anything or anyone else.” I still feel guilty. I probably even feel a bit guilty that I never went back to see that counsellor. The thing is it left me in bed for 3 days afterwards in agony from the journey (25mins) and the talking (1hr), so I deemed it a pointless exercise in the journey to my recovery.

So you can see that I have already experienced counselling and have found it a useful tool. I think that everybody with any mental illness should reach out for help because there is a lot of help out there. I am very lucky, in that my GP practice, has a counselling service that runs from it’s practice and that because I am a teacher I also can access counselling through my work occupational health support agency.

However, since my first encounter with the counsellor I decided that I can do this without any extra help! My support group friends cannot believe that I am not on anti-depressants! You see, most people that experience chronic illness, also suffer from mental ilnesss. In fact, it is a common belief that migraine is actually caused by stress. There is actually not enough evidence to know the cause of migraine, as despite it being in the top 4 of the world’s most disabling conditions, it has very little money spent on it to research causes and cures. Stress can be a trigger, just as a post stress comedown can be (this is one of mine) as well as chocolate, caffeine, tomatoes etc… In fact, anything can be a trigger. It is an individual thing.

There is also very little research done on IIH but for a different reason, this time, because it is so rare! However, on forums and the support groups, it is clear that most people find that stress raises their pressure and therefore increases their pain and other symptoms. In fact, crying and laughing often come up in forums on migraine and IIH sites as discussions about how these acts can increase the pain. I have looked on the internet for research with regards to stress and IIH and cannot find any. I understand it to be the physical impact of raised blood pressure, increasing stress on the vessels to the brain could worsen symptoms of IIH.

So you can see that there is a link between worsened symptoms due to increased stress but what about stress causing these conditions. Well as I said, it is unknown what causes migraine and it is the same with IIH. IIH stands for Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension and Idiopathic means ‘of unknown cause’. However, many people both professional and otherwise still believe that stress causes migraine and IIH. When I was first unwell with migraine, the first neurologist I saw suggested that working 4 days was too much for me. However, a couple of years beforehand I had managed to work full time with low level migraines and in a school where I was very unhappy and cried most days on the journey in to school. (I probably should have been signed off with stress but still….) I soon left the school and went to a school where I was really happy and that’s when the migraines started to get worse…. There’s no telling is there. Anyway I soon had to encounter an Occupational health assessment. I spoke to the occupational health nurse over the phone; her exact words were “you couldn’t possibly be off work for 3 months with just a headache”! At this point, I’d been diagnosed with migraine and that had been written on all but my first sickness certificates (the first said headache). She really tried very hard to diagnose me with depression in that phone call, telling me that my voice sounded monotonous and that I didn’t sound ‘like a teacher’?? If I had been depressed, I would have just admitted it, it’s not something to hide and that’s what I told her but she took a lot of convincing that I really did have unbearable headaches that meant I couldn’t walk for more than 5 minutes and that was the reason for me not sounding full of the joys of spring! My neurology nurse told me that I should “talk to my GP about my mood” when I burst into tears of frustration when yet again I was told that I needed to give the pills a bit longer to work (surely 6 months is long enough to know that something is not having a positive impact?)  I have even experienced this attitude with the headache specialist, whom I begged for months to see, she suggested that even though I wasn’t working there was still a lot of stress at home; my children and all the housework. I couldn’t believe it. I had fought so hard to see this woman and her advice was to not get stressed out by doing housework (which Joel was doing at the time as well as working anyway); my kids (who make me want to get up and fight every day, who tell their friends they have to be quiet when they come to our house and are always complimented for being the most well behaved kids our friends have looked after)! She also told me not to eat chocolate, cheese or caffeine. Do people seriously get all the way to seeing her and not have tried that one already???

On the support groups I’m on there is often talk of depression and cries for help. It can be quite scary when someone writes that they are going to end it because they can’t take the pain anymore. The thing is we all get it. We all know what it feels like to want to get rid of that pain so badly we’d do anything. Of course, most of us would never do it, but that black dog of depression looms over us and invites us to take the easy way out. However, luckily those support groups on the whole are thereto help is get up and fight each day. The groups that have people constantly posting photos of their operation wounds and groups with passive aggressive members in are now not on my follow list. I simply cannot be dealing with groups that are constantly negative. I need to be in groups that support each other through bad times, but will them through the good times and applaud every victory each member has! A group where a member wants to post that they have had a pain free day is what I call an awesome group! We should be there to will each other on to health but also recognise that everyone may not be able to get back to health and be there to support them just as much.

Now, this is where I need to point out that I have never thought through an end plan ever! My husband and children are too amazing for me to be drawn in by those thoughts for long enough to actually plan anything. But, I have wanted to just get that pain out of my head somehow. When the pain you face almost daily, comes close to the same pain you suffered in childbirth then yes, you want an end! In childbirth, you get gas and air and an amazing baby and a heap of endorphins; I just get never-ending, vicious, ice-picking, tunnel-bearing, vice-busting pain!

So, how do I make sure I’m not constantly brought down by the car-crusher I like to think of as my evil nemesis! It’s there with me constantly, so I have to go into battle mode, no sleeping on my laurels. And it’s not just me. My family are affected too, aren’t they? We have to raise an army together. Luckily, we’ve always been a good team. Luca is the ‘defender’: He checks on me, he stands at the top of the stairs and coaches me up every teeth grinding inch of pain that is called the nightly mountain climb. He has embraced our family positivity jar and can always think of something to say and write when we share our positives at the end of the day; we don’t always write them down but when I dip in the jar I often pull out one of his that says ‘giving mummy cuddles’. Zeke is the ‘logistician’ always ready to suggest an easier way of doing things. “Why doesn’t mummy go upstairs now, when she’s less tired?”. He likes to know the facts of what is going on; he took in everything on the detailed skull picture we showed him when we tried to explain my warped mind and he often asks when the operation will be and what will happen. He likes to know the facts and finds it hard that we can’t answer all his questions. They have both got music to keep inspiring them, swimming to keep them fit and have been registered as young carers, so will be able to attend meetings and days out in the holidays with children in similar situations.
Joel is the ‘commander’; bold and fearless. He has taken on running a household, being my carer, being a fabulous dad and still holding down a high powered job with almost sheer ease. There have been a few bumps and, if it hadn’t been for Nina coming in as ‘adventurer’ ready to put her hand to new things and throw herself fully into the McKee family, we may have had a crumpled leader but he still holds his position well and keeps his sanity through his music. He has joined a band that gives him his own creative time and space. Now all we need is to get him back out on that bike! I am a bit of a ‘mediator’; often taking that role within the family and coming in to do my parenting bit when I can, often when Joel is at the end of his tether and when I should have started helping earlier. I have found new things to interest me and causes to fight by joining Mission Migraine and sharing my story for awareness. That has led me to realise the power of the internet and I share my journey about suffering with migraine and being diagnosed with IIH through this blog and more recently by starting the twitter account for Mission Migraine @migrainemission. Creatively, I have started to build myself back up again by beginning to make jewellery again. Exercise wise, I still love my yoga and Pilates and meditate daily and try and do simple exercises in my chair or bed when I can. Personality types taken from 16personalities.com

As you can see, we do a lot of positive things to try and keep healthy minds individually and as a family but we are all aware of the need for someone else to talk to outside of our situation if the need arises and I may talk about that in future blogs. We have done all these things as a natural process but I was interested to find this poster when searching for pictures for this blog on how to have a healthy mind.

Yes, we are living in survival mode but we are gradually rebuilding who we were before this illness came to join the McKee household. I want to say that my illness does not define me and I hope if you have a chronic illness that you can say that. Unfortunately, they do become all consuming when they take over every aspect of your life and relationships. I am gradually beginning to rebuild the Laura that was here before this illness came in and shook me to the very core, however, this Laura will never go back to who she was before. I think that that is a good thing. I have learnt so much about life, relationships and people through joining support groups, developing friendships, exploring empathy, deepening understanding of who I really am and who I want to be (I’ve had a lot of time to think), and developing love on a far deeper level than ever before with my husband who has guided me through the hardest moments of my life so far. All I can think is that this stands us in good stead for what is to happen in the coming months and that we have all these support networks in place already for when we need them the most.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.