Tag Archives: positive language

5 Secrets for a Strong Relationship with Teenage Carers

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5 Secrets for a Strong Relationship with Teenage Carers

Young Carers

According to the ONS (Office for National Statistics), there are 149,000 young carers aged between 15 and 19 – about twice as many as in the 10-to-14 age range. [There are about 23,000 children under 9 who are carers].

There are about 50,000 Young Carers looking after someone with a Mental Health Condition in the UK. There are thought to be 3 in 5 Carers who have depression themselves, due to their role.

I aim to share the secrets that have guided our journey. They’re intended for younger families, caring for any family member, but are aimed at those with a teenage/young carer. I’m even sharing some free printables for you at the end of this post.

This advice is based on my experienced teacher viewpoint, but mostly that of a bed bound mum of 2 teenagers, who happen to be my Carers. It’s been tough, but we’re stronger than ever, as a family and individually, because we’ve worked at it!

My family

As the teen years approached our family, I feared the worst; especially as I was now chronically ill with a debilitating brain disease. How wrong could I be? I absolutely love it. We’ve just adapted our parenting style by listening and responding to each other.

With strong foundations, that Joel and I had worked hard to build together, it wasn’t hard to tweak our interactions. As our boys grow into young men, at 13 and 15 and 6ft+, we’ve found we actually enjoy spending time together – I know, crazy right?

I’m incredibly proud of both of them for all that they achieve. Their teachers recognise their awesomeness and they amaze me with what they achieve, both in and out of school. That they’re able to do so well, with so much else to deal with, is exceptional.

But I’m not delusional! I know not everyone has this and our life isn’t perfect either (erm – teenagers and brain disease involved). However, we’re a happy and loving family with amazing relationships. They are my motivation to keep positive every day!

If you want to find out more, read My story so far

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The McKee’s mucking about Christmas 2018

Parenting Styles

The secrets I want to share with you can be implemented into your family with just a little work. We are have our own parenting styles and there’s no right way. So it’s normal to go through phases of feeling like we’ve sussed it and others like we’ve fluffed it!

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So even if you’re a nailed it with some to spare parent; a doing your best, fair and square parent; a making a mess, laid out bare parent; a higgledy piggledy, up in the air parent; a tearing out your hair parent or a feeling guilty you’re not there parent, these secrets could work for you.

 

What Does Caring Involve For Me

I have a PA (carer) every weekday lunchtime, from an agency providing consistent care. These are some of the things I need help with:

  • Waking up after sleeping all morning,
  • Make me lunch, normally a smoothie as nausea stops me enjoying food
  • Making sure I have accessible water
  • Helping me to get dressed as needed and getting out my clothes each day
  • Picking anything up I drop as I can’t bend down
  • Do chores I can’t such as laundry, emptying bins and making beds
  • Preparing meals or freezing food for another day
  • Organising my medications
  • Enabling me to be more involved with the boys e.g. supporting us bake cakes
  • If I’m well enough taking us out for a cuppa or to the shops

I have a great relationship with my carers and we always have a giggle. I need laughter in my day and they bring it! They’re also always there to listen.

The Impact Caring Can Have

Being a young carer can have a big impact on the things that are important to growing up

  • It can affect a young person’s health, social life and self-confidence.
  • Many young carers struggle to juggle their education and caring which can cause pressure and stress.
  • In a survey, 39% said that nobody in their school was aware of their caring role.
  • 26% have been bullied at school because of their caring role.
  • 1 in 20 miss school because of their caring role.
But young people can learn lots of useful skills by being a young carer.

Carers Trust – Young Carers

When we realised what life was going to be like, Joel and I didn’t want the boys lives overshadowed by caring. We’re lucky enough to have PAs, so the boys don’t miss school, but it can be hard to make school aware of everything they carry with them.

Worry and anxiety have affected their mental well-being and both boys have had to learn how to cope with complex feelings. Life as a young carer is tough as we can see in these quotes.

Carers UK’s annual survey (2015) with over 5,000 carers across the UK revealed that 84% of carers feel more stressed, 78% feel more anxious and 55% reported that they suffered from depression as a result of their caring role, which was higher than findings in 2014.3

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 I’ll discuss how we manage teenage mental health in my 5 secrets below.

Being My Carer Every Day

The boys bring me breakfast and dinner make sure I have water and snacks every day. They know how to support me physically and sort anything Clumsy McClumsypants here drops or spills; like the glass of water in (yes IN) my bedside table this morning.

They need to know what to do if I press my life line and what to say to the Lifeline care team. They’d have to stop playing Xbox and may need to support or help me up if I fell. They may need to help calm me down if I was having a panic attack.

The boys have had to get used to another new cleaner being in their personal space and form bonds with my PAs. They’ve been carers for 4 years now, so are used to it, but there’s still restrictions, such as having to be quiet each morning while I sleep.

They told me the other day that their friends have to do more chores than them. My response was to ask if their friends have to make sure the house is secure and answer a doorbell every time theory mum drops something. I said I was clumsy, didn’t I?

Building a Team

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How many kids would go to their parent and tell them they don’t do as many chores as their mates? This is just one example of how we’ve worked hard to build a family dynamic based on trust, honesty, empathy and care.

We’ve all had to learn coping skills and adapt as time goes on. The stress shows at home mostly, so it’s been important to use the same strategies around their behaviour. This has led to the strong relationship we have now.

As they’ve grown up and I’ve become a little bit more stable and aware, we’ve trusted them with more responsibility. We’ve just managed two nights with Joel went away for work. My Dad (who’s always stayed before) was just down the road if needed.

They wanted to cook tea unsupervised and probably not the tidying up afterward. They have to put the hens to bed, safely away from any foxy loxies and check Jasper Cat is in for the night. I had to be trust they would put the house to bed securely too.

They amazed me with how they coped with all this responsibility. There was no time to think about having house parties or sneaking out the house to meet up with a friend! (not that we’d know anything about ever doing that).

The way Joel and I choose to do this at the beginning, has shaped how we’ve handled the cards we’ve been dealt. Everyone chooses their own path, so I’m not making any comparisons. this is just my experience. Everyone’s path is unique, so follow yours.

But use my 5 secrets to help steer you. Firstly I just need to make it clear that we sought medical advice and were referred to social services for care and support. I’m not a health Care professional, so please ask for help if you need it.

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5 Secrets for a Strong Relationship with Young Carers
  1. Asking for help is the first step. Talk to your GP.  Talk to school. Ask your kids how they’d like the help. You might need family therapy so do try it, if offered. If support given is not right for you, ask for an alternative. The skills we learnt, recognised and have since reinforced; have shaped our family’s daily lives. We learnt how to talk about our feelings, whilst being respectful. and to speak honestly, without breaking trust. I recommend organising a named teacher or pastoral care and make sure to keep them in the loop. This is individual to your needs, but be prepared to fight for this, as support is in high demand. Mental well-being for you all is key.
  2. Let them be angry with the illness. Structure ways for your children to release this, safely. Help them understand that it’s the illness that’s changed everything. The whole family will grieve for life before chronic illness, so explore ways to cope with that. We used diaries, art therapy, music and a good old shout and swear session (oooh, controversial). We’ve found that music is a lifeline for every carer in the family. Being able to lose yourself in a distraction is a lifeline for carers and you!
  3. Develop open dialogue with the Young Carers in your life and find ways that allow them to discuss what they’re feeling and experiencing without fear of backlash. The silver lining of being a bed bound mum, is having time for my boys to talk to me about their day or about something worrying them as soon as they get home.
  4. Find time for everyone to set one goal at the start of each day. You could introduce Affirmations to reinforce positive thinking. See the end of the post for more details and free printables, available til 31st March 2019. Set a time to discuss at least 1 positive from their day. Create a regular time to air issues and reinforce positives.
  5. Give yourself rewards! A really important part of feeling able to succeed, is by rewarding positive language and behaviour. The rewards can be for anything, big or small. Rewards can be verbal praise, but making time for a family reward is important to reinforce positive thinking. For example, you could go out for lunch, bake a cake together or watch a movie in bed. Let them choose most of the time, but it has to be agreed by everyone. The point is to reward the whole family regularly.

To adapt these for younger children

  1. Involve school as soon as possible, both the class teacher and headteacher should know. School may offer extra support, which can be invaluable. Play and Art therapy is in short supply, so if you’re concerned speak to your GP!
  2. Talk to them about what’s happening in a way they’ll understand. Help them express their feelings using puppets, library books and roleplay (Drs/patient).
  3. Tell them why you’re going to hospital/in pain etc. They may know more than you expect, so let them lead. My rule is that if they’re asking about it, then they’re ready for answers. Just be prepared for a ‘why, but why’ session!
  4. Ask them what they want to do that day on the way to school, you may even find out more than asking at the end of the day! Start a positives jar by everyone writing (for them if needed) ONE positive from their day. Set a regular time, to open the jar and read some. My favourite pulling out ‘cuddling with my Mummy’ on a bad day.
  5. Make time for rewards, they don’t have to cost anything, just do things as a family.

A last word and some links!

I want to help others have positive experiences, even on tough days. So I’m sharing these secrets for you. Families are unique, though, so there’s no one size fits all. Take what you want from my 5 secrets, but remember these things are key:

Ask for help! Young Carers may have to do more at home than their friends, so schools should provide support and make allowances.

Make sure everyone truly understands and enable your kids to express how they feel. Create a safe environment and look out for signs that you may need to step in.

A great team relies on good communication which is honest, loyal and respectful, so be a good role model. Recognise small wins! Celebrate at least one good thing from your day.

If the life you want for your family seems a long way off or you’d like some reassurance you’re doing okay, then I hope this post has helped. Please ask me questions in the comments and tell me how you make life positive for young carers and your family.

Resources 

Carers Trust -Support for Young Carers

Young Minds – Looking After Yourself aa a Young Carer

NHS – Young Carers Rights

Carer Gateway – Advice for Parents & Teachers of Young Carers

Carers UK – Hidden Depression

Chronic Illness Bloggers

Sign up for New & Exclusives – Help for Young Carers

Do you want to be the first to know what’s coming and get your hands on exclusive deals? I’ve created a set of Printable Affirmations that would be perfect for setting the tone for a good day for Young Carers, as mentioned in Secret number 4 above. Grab a copy of this when you sign up to my occasionally regular newsletter today!

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How to Create Clarity in a Busy Mind in 15 minutes

 

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How to Create Clarity in a Busy Mind in 15 Minutes

I don’t know about you but the beginning of the year is a busy brain season for me. I’ve been creating goals, working on new ideas and doing lots of training. My brain’s been on overdrive, with so much that I want to do this year! I’m going to share my own busy mind experiences with you and my top tips for clearing mind clutter.

Thinking Ahead 

Our brains can easily go into overdrive when we start acting on our goals and it’s tough keeping all that information in our heads. I wrote about planning the year ahead in this post:  How to Write Awesome 2019 Goals Without Feeling Overwhelmed

  • I’m sharing my social media plan printable with you. It’s great for anyone who wants to limit time on social media, but I did create it with Chronic Bloggers in mind. If you want productivity over busyness, grab it at the end of this post ⬇️

My problem with plans, is that I want to just crack on and forget I’ve got brain disease! I’ve always had a passion for planning, but it doesn’t always go to plan. I go full-on Laura mode, with ideas taking over every tiny bit of headspace left I have left. The bits not backlogged with blood and CSF. Ewww, sorry for that image. Wondering what’s CSF? ➡️ What is Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension/IIH?

I’ve not planned properly, since having left teaching, but this year I got busy creating planning grids for my blog, email and business strategies. I hadn’t planned to make them, which messed up my plans. 🤔 I was trying to do it all, forgetting to review and adapt and I gave that anxiety monster a VIP pass! As I practise grounding strategies often, I was able to calm my busy mind quickly and worked on strategies for organising my thoughts.

Write things down to make sense of your thoughts

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To Do Notes are ok if they have some structure to them

 

If your brain’s overworked, get a pen and some paper and write your thoughts down. I don’t think ‘to do’ lists, are a productive way to form clear ideas from jumbled thoughts. They’re great for quick reminders, but not so great for bigger issues. So what could you use instead? Here are my top tips for creating clarity in a busy mind.

I normally use a diary but this year I decided to try a more structured planner.  Structure is important for focusing  your thoughts, whichever format is for you.

 

 

 

I brought my planner from StarCreationsCo on Etsy   It’s great because:

  • It has a yearly and monthly calendar for planning ahead ✅
  • it has a space for me to write my goals ✅ (I want those everywhere)
  • It has a monthly page of squares for bullet journaling, so I can test the idea ✅
  • It has space to plan, reflect and add your most important jobs ✅
  • Most of all it’s really pretty and I can add stickers and washi tape ✅

You can see where I’ve rubbed out where I’ve planned too much here. No filter…

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My planner has a week to view and is formatted to helps me organise my thoughts on paper

Reflection 

At the end of each day I always write 3 positive things which happened that day. There’s not quite enough space in the planner. So I’m using a gorgeous diary covered in recycled vintage Korean fabric from my friend’s lovely Etsy shop – The Vintage Bookworm. I write:

  • I’m Happy because…
  •  I’m Grateful for…
  • I’m Proud of…

It’s so important to reflect on each day, each week, each month and each year to have a success with positive mindset! Take time to celebrate your successes, big or small. Reward yourself with a pamper, a bubble bath or just a pat on the back. These rewards trigger the pleasure centres of our brain and make us want more positivity.

 

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An overly busy mind leads to overwhelm

An Overloaded Mind

When things get too much and start to become a mess in my head, I create head space by getting my ideas down on paper or notes on my phone. I’ve been creating structure so I can be productive and focused. I’ve made a social media plan a free printable for you ⬇️

 

 

My anxiety is usually from having an overloaded mind and this still gets the better of me sometimes. Structuring my thoughts and writing them down always calms my mind. I’m sharing the strategies I’ve built up over time with you and some I found on these sites;

Anxiety Canada.com  and Anxieties.com

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How To Create Clarity In A Busy Mind In 15 Minutes

 

Top Tips for Creating Clarity in a Busy Mind in just 15 Minutes

 

When One Big Problem is Bothering You

  1. Set a 15 minute timer and free write – This is a cathartic activity and works best with a real pen and paper so that you can let your thoughts spill onto the paper; clearing your mind clutter. If you avoid doing this your problem will get just bigger in your head. If you write it down, it may not seem as big a problem as you thought!
  2. Speak to someone you trust – Find someone you know is a good listener, such as your partner or good friend. Set ground rules before you start and be clear that you’ll only spend 15 minutes talking about this. Going over and over the problem will create more negativity and isn’t good for your headspace. Say it, listen and move on.
  3. Act on your negative feelings, before it becomes a problem – Are you feeling Stressed, Nervous, Frustrated or Anxious? Set a 10 minute timer and use this feeling to turn the problem into a question – e.g. Why am I anxious about going to the doctors? Then quickly list the reasons that come up. Write your answer down using positive language i.e ‘I can stop feeling anxious by writing my questions’.
  4. Be solution focused
  • Using a 3 minute egg timer – write down your problem. You can create a mind map or flow chart if visuals help you.
  • Turn over the timer – write down your negative feelings about this problem. You may have many or just one. Write them as one main sentence about why you feel that way e.g. I feel really nervous about this job interview.
  • Turn over the timer – write down what’s stopping you solve this e.g. I’m nervous because last time I forgot to say…! Be specific and don’t make assumptions.
  • Turn over the timer – think about your ideal solution or a 1st step. Write this down e.g. I’m going to make notes on flash cards so I remember to say…

Some problems will need more than 15 minutes to solve completely, but these strategies can be adapted. If you ignore these big problems they’ll start to affect your health.

How to Cope with an Overactive Mind in 15 Minutes 

  • Exercise daily – Daily you say? Yes, daily! I don’t mean a full on work out, we’re talking about 15 minutes here! You could: Take a 15 minute walk round the park, do 15 minutes of reps/sit ups etc or try a 15 minute morning yoga stretch. Exercise helps clear your mind and releases serotonin, which makes you feel good! Even from bed I do bed yoga (Yep, it’s a thing) most days. *Please make sure to check with you Doctor before starting any new exercise routine.
  • Set a daily worry/thinking time – This one might sound strange, but you can retrain your brain by setting a regular time to sit quietly for 15 minutes and let those thoughts free. This only works if you’re able to distract yourself the rest of the day as we don’t want to lose you down that rabbit hole before you get to that time.
  • Carry a little notebook and Pen – This one might seem obvious, but it’s a must. I tend to use my phone’s notes, it just needs to be portable. Offload your thoughts quickly before they get too heavy. If you’re a night worrier then keep one next to your bed too. Just set a timer for 15 minutes.
  • Meditate regularly – Many of us struggle to fit this into our lives or think it’s too hard. I’ve used meditation daily since becoming ill as it’s known for creating calm. At first work on controlling your breathing and let your thoughts come to mind. Then let them go by focusing back on your breathing. A guided meditation will talk you through this process and there are loads available for free on YouTube or apps, such as Insight Timer. This is one of the top 5 things that help me stay positive. I’ve written more on this here. These are both great guided meditations for beginners.
  • The Honest Guys Body Scan Guided Meditation
  • Jason Stephenson Beginners Guided Meditation
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Use Meditation to focus and create space for your thoughts, before letting them go.
  • Turn negatives into a positives  – Set a 15 minute timer and grab a piece of paper. Draw a vertical line half way and write everything busying your mind. Then look at each one separately and try to turn it into a positive statement. E.g I’m not sleeping well, I’m so tired  | I will go to bed early and sleep will happen. This redirects your thoughts and establishes positive language, which helps you to remain focused and find solutions quickly.
  • Use Affirmations for daily positive thoughts – I use these to focus on the big dreams, I dare to dream. They help keep me positive even on the worst days when pain and/or anxiety are off the charts! Affirmations are positive statements or intentions that tell your brain___ is totally going to happen! Using these daily can help you become who you dream of being! I’ve used them successfully for three brain and skull surgeries 😵. If you still want to be rid of negativity, I can help. I’ve created a set of affirmations for my Etsy shop and you can get your hands on a free sample today. See details below ⬇️
  • Use a strategy to reduce the time you spend on Social Media – Let’s face it, we can’t get away from social media and as a blogger you need it. I take a total break or limit the number of sites I’m on when I need to rest. I recommend using an app to schedule your content ahead. You can be more productive by planning in bulk so that you can focus on engagement for 15 minutes before you post. If this is your style then please download my free social media planner printable below ⬇️. I created it for Chronic Illness bloggers, but it can be adapted for anyone.

Social Media Planner for Chronic Bloggers

Social Media Planner for Chronic Illness Bloggers using 15 minutes Engagement time before posting

In Conclusion 

Please take away the most important message from this – You need to write your thoughts down to make sense of what you’re stewing over. Set up regular habits to kickstart a cycle of positive thinking, reflection and reward. It’s really worth taking 15 minutes to convert your thoughts into beautiful ideas or solutions and it’s just as important to look after your brain as the rest of your body! Try out some of these ideas to find what works for you!

I’d love to hear from you if you try any of these out or want to share ideas that help you. Sharing is caring and with mental health, we need to keep an ongoing conversation!

Before you go…

My Etsy shop The Paprika Jewellery aims to support positive thinking by creating designs from positive themes. Jewellery & Accessories made from the soul, for the soul.

Want to be the first to know what’s coming and get your hands on exclusive deals? Grab a 15% coupon code for your next purchase in my Etsy shop and a free printable sample of my ‘Positive Affirmations’ by signing up to my occasionally regular newsletter today!

Click here to subscribe and grab your freebies! img_2933

Chronic Illness Bloggers

5 Morning Affirmations To Guarantee A Successful Day!

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5 Morning Affirmations To Guarantee A Successful Day

Hey there, are you someone who needs a bit of a boost in your day?

Maybe you’re feeling like you’re missing the mark at work, that your relationship’s doomed, that you’re useless because you’re chronically ill or that you’re just having disastrous days.

job12-280-chim-00918If you’re a negative thinker or a self-sabotager and the life you want seems a long way off, then this post’s for you! I’ve got tips for making positive changes by just spending a few minutes a day on affirmations. There’s even science to back that up! So now with your morning coffee you can start your day the positive way!

 

What are Affirmations?

Maybe you’ve heard of Affirmations but think they sound sappy or too out there. Maybe you don’t think they’d help as you’re ok, just not as successful as you’d hoped. Stick with me and I’ll show you how affirmations help you build a positive mindset.

Before I start you off on your journey to a successful day, you need to know what the deal is. I first heard of Affirmations about 15 months ago and now spend a few minutes each day on them. I think much more positively now and want everybody to realise they can find positive in every day. Here are a few simple tips to help you!

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Set Positive Intentions

 

Affirmations help you set an intention for that day (or however long you need it for), starting with ‘I am’ for example. They’re a great tool for helping you think more positively and if used regularly, each day will be more positive! OK, so your thoughts won’t change overnight, but I can assure you that they’ll work if you stick with it.

 

 

You use something you want to feel, do or happen and write it as though it’s already happening. So instead of ‘I want to feel loved and happy’. Your affirmation says ‘I choose love and happiness’.

You may have to do a little bit of work to crack the code at first, but you’ll soon be starting your day the positive way. So if you’re feeling low or a bit meh; then this is such a simple way to structure your thoughts and create a positive loop:

positive thought = positive actions = self-worth = positive thought and so on.

How Affirmations Work

For an affirmation to work fully, you need to trick your brain. A bit like changing the TV remote’s batteries, you need to put negative and positive in the right place. Instead of matching them to a symbol, you need to rewire your thinking, especially if you’re a Negative Nelly!

To rewire your brain, you have to make Positive Polly drown out Negative Nelly. To do that, you need to say the affirmation out loud, more than once! Just like exercise to improve our physical health is repetitive, any exercise to improve our mental health needs to be repetitive. Practise makes Positive!

To Create this positive repetition, you could write them in your journal/diary, put them on a memo board/fridge or record them using a voice memo app and listen to them wherever you are. I use all 3 of these for maximum impact!

Each time you create these positive responses from affirmations, your brain kicks in the reward mechanism. I won’t get too sciencey, but if you use affirmations about your most important values, your brain will soon begin to have positive reactions.

These positive reactions create a reward, such as increasing your self-worth. Once your brain gets a reward it will want more. You’ll start thinking and acting more positively. You’ll value yourself and feel a sense of purpose. You’ll want to look after yourself more and start creating more positive than negative in your life.

I want to start you on this journey, so read on and see how much it helped me and get yourself set the 5 affirmations to start your successful day.

**Disclaimer – this won’t happen overnight! You’ll have to put the work in!

My Journey with affirmations

One of my favourite affirmations is ‘I replace anger with compassion and understanding’. When I first picked it from my set of cards, I wasn’t having the best day. I was angry with myself about something (I’ve no idea what) and almost put it back in the pack!

When I say I was angry with myself, I really mean that I felt guilty about something I probably should have done. It’s always been a habit of mine, but when I was still  processing my chronic illness I felt like this a lot!

Anyway, I left it on display for a couple of days and as suggested, I read it often and would say it too myself in my head every so often, as I wasn’t cool with saying it out loud at first. I started to feel calmer soon after making that choice to keep that card.

I started to feel less frustration and guilt and began to feel more positive. As I stuck with it, I found those Negative Nelly feelings were getting drowned out by Positivity Polly.

The more positive I felt the more positive action I took with my self care, which led to more positive thinking. And so the cycle continued and I was hooked!

5 Morning Affirmations to Guarantee a Successful Day

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5 Morning Affirmations to Guarantee a Successful Day

So this is what you’re here for. If you’ve skimmed to get here then do make sure you know what you’re doing, you cheeky thing! I’ve made one for you and a blank one to put personalised affirmations in.

You can download these here: Morning Affirmations

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I am full of gratitude and inspiration affirmation
  1. I am full of gratitude and inspiration
  2. Today is a wonderful new day, full of success
  3. I am open to positive change
  4. Today I will share my knowledge with others
  5. My ideas are worthy of being shared
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Blank Affirmation design for personalised affirmations

These are simple affirmations for success and to use each morning to set you up for a great day. Why not have a go tomorrow morning and come back and tell me about it!

If you’d like access to more free affirmations, then just sign up for my news and exclusives emails, using the pop up form or the link below. 

Sign up today for your free printable Affirmations cards

References

https://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/

If you’re really into Science then this explains why affirmations work and what effects they have on the brain. How Self Affirmation affects the brain

 

Chronic Illness Bloggers