How to Create Clarity in a Busy Mind in 15 minutes

 

How to Create Clarity in a Busy Mind in 15 Minutes

I don’t know about you but the beginning of the year is a busy brain season for me. I’ve been creating goals, working on new ideas and doing lots of training. My brain’s been on overdrive, with so much that I want to do this year! I’m going to share my own busy mind experiences with you and my top tips for clearing mind clutter.

Thinking Ahead 

Our brains can easily go into overdrive when we start acting on our goals and it’s tough keeping all that information in our heads. I wrote about planning the year ahead in this post:  How to Write Awesome 2019 Goals Without Feeling Overwhelmed

• I’m sharing my social media plan printable with you. It’s great for anyone who wants to limit time on social media, but I did create it with Chronic Bloggers in mind. If you want productivity over busyness, grab it at the end of this post ⬇️

My problem with plans, is that I want to just crack on and forget I’ve got brain disease! I’ve always had a passion for planning, but it doesn’t always go to plan. I go full-on Laura mode, with ideas taking over every tiny bit of headspace left I have left. The bits not backlogged with blood and CSF. Ewww, sorry for that image. Wondering what’s CSF? ➡️ What is Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension/IIH?

I’ve not planned properly, since having left teaching, but this year I got busy creating planning grids for my blog, email and business strategies. I hadn’t planned to make them, which messed up my plans. 🤔 I was trying to do it all, forgetting to review and adapt and I gave that anxiety monster a VIP pass! As I practise grounding strategies often, I was able to calm my busy mind quickly and worked on strategies for organising my thoughts.

Write things down to make sense of your thoughts

To Do Notes are ok if they have some structure to them

 

If your brain’s overworked, get a pen and some paper and write your thoughts down. I don’t think ‘to do’ lists, are a productive way to form clear ideas from jumbled thoughts. They’re great for quick reminders, but not so great for bigger issues. So what could you use instead? Here are my top tips for creating clarity in a busy mind.

I normally use a diary but this year I decided to try a more structured planner.  Structure is important for focusing  your thoughts, whichever format is for you.

 

 

 

I brought my planner from StarCreationsCo on Etsy   It’s great because:

• It has a yearly and monthly calendar for planning ahead ✅
• it has a space for me to write my goals ✅ (I want those everywhere)
• It has a monthly page of squares for bullet journaling, so I can test the idea ✅
• It has space to plan, reflect and add your most important jobs ✅
• Most of all it’s really pretty and I can add stickers and washi tape ✅

You can see where I’ve rubbed out where I’ve planned too much here. No filter…

My planner has a week to view and is formatted to helps me organise my thoughts on paper

Reflection 

At the end of each day I always write 3 positive things which happened that day. There’s not quite enough space in the planner. So I’m using a gorgeous diary covered in recycled vintage Korean fabric from my friend’s lovely Etsy shop – The Vintage Bookworm. I write:

• I’m Happy because…
•  I’m Grateful for…
• I’m Proud of…

It’s so important to reflect on each day, each week, each month and each year to have a success with positive mindset! Take time to celebrate your successes, big or small. Reward yourself with a pamper, a bubble bath or just a pat on the back. These rewards trigger the pleasure centres of our brain and make us want more positivity.

 

An overly busy mind leads to overwhelm

An Overloaded Mind

When things get too much and start to become a mess in my head, I create head space by getting my ideas down on paper or notes on my phone. I’ve been creating structure so I can be productive and focused. I’ve made a social media plan a free printable for you ⬇️

 

 

My anxiety is usually from having an overloaded mind and this still gets the better of me sometimes. Structuring my thoughts and writing them down always calms my mind. I’m sharing the strategies I’ve built up over time with you and some I found on these sites;

Anxiety Canada.com  and Anxieties.com

How To Create Clarity In A Busy Mind In 15 Minutes

 

Top Tips for Creating Clarity in a Busy Mind in just 15 Minutes

 

When One Big Problem is Bothering You

1. Set a 15 minute timer and free write – This is a cathartic activity and works best with a real pen and paper so that you can let your thoughts spill onto the paper; clearing your mind clutter. If you avoid doing this your problem will get just bigger in your head. If you write it down, it may not seem as big a problem as you thought!
2. Speak to someone you trust – Find someone you know is a good listener, such as your partner or good friend. Set ground rules before you start and be clear that you’ll only spend 15 minutes talking about this. Going over and over the problem will create more negativity and isn’t good for your headspace. Say it, listen and move on.
3. Act on your negative feelings, before it becomes a problem – Are you feeling Stressed, Nervous, Frustrated or Anxious? Set a 10 minute timer and use this feeling to turn the problem into a question – e.g. Why am I anxious about going to the doctors? Then quickly list the reasons that come up. Write your answer down using positive language i.e ‘I can stop feeling anxious by writing my questions’.
4. Be solution focused

• Using a 3 minute egg timer – write down your problem. You can create a mind map or flow chart if visuals help you.
• Turn over the timer – write down your negative feelings about this problem. You may have many or just one. Write them as one main sentence about why you feel that way e.g. I feel really nervous about this job interview.
• Turn over the timer – write down what’s stopping you solve this e.g. I’m nervous because last time I forgot to say…! Be specific and don’t make assumptions.
• Turn over the timer – think about your ideal solution or a 1st step. Write this down e.g. I’m going to make notes on flash cards so I remember to say…

Some problems will need more than 15 minutes to solve completely, but these strategies can be adapted. If you ignore these big problems they’ll start to affect your health.

How to Cope with an Overactive Mind in 15 Minutes 

• Exercise daily – Daily you say? Yes, daily! I don’t mean a full on work out, we’re talking about 15 minutes here! You could: Take a 15 minute walk round the park, do 15 minutes of reps/sit ups etc or try a 15 minute morning yoga stretch. Exercise helps clear your mind and releases serotonin, which makes you feel good! Even from bed I do bed yoga (Yep, it’s a thing) most days. *Please make sure to check with you Doctor before starting any new exercise routine.
• Set a daily worry/thinking time – This one might sound strange, but you can retrain your brain by setting a regular time to sit quietly for 15 minutes and let those thoughts free. This only works if you’re able to distract yourself the rest of the day as we don’t want to lose you down that rabbit hole before you get to that time.
• Carry a little notebook and Pen – This one might seem obvious, but it’s a must. I tend to use my phone’s notes, it just needs to be portable. Offload your thoughts quickly before they get too heavy. If you’re a night worrier then keep one next to your bed too. Just set a timer for 15 minutes.
• Meditate regularly – Many of us struggle to fit this into our lives or think it’s too hard. I’ve used meditation daily since becoming ill as it’s known for creating calm. At first work on controlling your breathing and let your thoughts come to mind. Then let them go by focusing back on your breathing. A guided meditation will talk you through this process and there are loads available for free on YouTube or apps, such as Insight Timer. This is one of the top 5 things that help me stay positive. I’ve written more on this here. These are both great guided meditations for beginners.
• The Honest Guys Body Scan Guided Meditation
• Jason Stephenson Beginners Guided Meditation

Use Meditation to focus and create space for your thoughts, before letting them go.

• Turn negatives into a positives  – Set a 15 minute timer and grab a piece of paper. Draw a vertical line half way and write everything busying your mind. Then look at each one separately and try to turn it into a positive statement. E.g I’m not sleeping well, I’m so tired  | I will go to bed early and sleep will happen. This redirects your thoughts and establishes positive language, which helps you to remain focused and find solutions quickly.
• Use Affirmations for daily positive thoughts – I use these to focus on the big dreams, I dare to dream. They help keep me positive even on the worst days when pain and/or anxiety are off the charts! Affirmations are positive statements or intentions that tell your brain___ is totally going to happen! Using these daily can help you become who you dream of being! I’ve used them successfully for three brain and skull surgeries 😵. If you still want to be rid of negativity, I can help. I’ve created a set of affirmations for my Etsy shop and you can get your hands on a free sample today. See details below ⬇️
• Use a strategy to reduce the time you spend on Social Media – Let’s face it, we can’t get away from social media and as a blogger you need it. I take a total break or limit the number of sites I’m on when I need to rest. I recommend using an app to schedule your content ahead. You can be more productive by planning in bulk so that you can focus on engagement for 15 minutes before you post. If this is your style then please download my free social media planner printable below ⬇️. I created it for Chronic Illness bloggers, but it can be adapted for anyone.

Social Media Planner for Chronic Bloggers

Social Media Planner for Chronic Illness Bloggers using 15 minutes Engagement time before posting

In Conclusion 

Please take away the most important message from this – You need to write your thoughts down to make sense of what you’re stewing over. Set up regular habits to kickstart a cycle of positive thinking, reflection and reward. It’s really worth taking 15 minutes to convert your thoughts into beautiful ideas or solutions and it’s just as important to look after your brain as the rest of your body! Try out some of these ideas to find what works for you!

I’d love to hear from you if you try any of these out or want to share ideas that help you. Sharing is caring and with mental health, we need to keep an ongoing conversation!

Before you go…

My Etsy shop The Paprika Jewellery aims to support positive thinking by creating designs from positive themes. Jewellery & Accessories made from the soul, for the soul.

Want to be the first to know what’s coming and get your hands on exclusive deals? Grab a 15% coupon code for your next purchase in my Etsy shop and a free printable sample of my ‘Positive Affirmations’ by signing up to my occasionally regular newsletter today!

Click here to subscribe and grab your freebies!

My Not So Secret Poetry Diary – A Date with Anxiety #copingwithanxiety #poeminspiration #mentalhealthblogs #chronicblogger

My Date with Anxiety

It’s been a tough ten days in my chronic illness warrior body, so I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve been feeling – eek, it’s time to get real peeps!

I’m going to reflect briefly on what’s been happening to my body and mind each day. But hey, remember this is me writing so, even though I’ll be totally honest, I’ll make sure there’s a positive to everything! This is the story of my Date with Anxiety.

I keep a diary (not a journal) and use it to pace my daily activities. Randomly through the year I write little notes of my strengths and personalised affirmations. Then in the evening I write 3 positives from that day.

Friday 7th December

I couldn’t sleep last night, it’s been disrupted all week, but this was next level. The pain was intense and relentless and I couldn’t understand why. A friend visited me yesterday, which had made my day. She never stays too long and spotted when I was flagging. I hadn’t napped either so I expected knock on effects, but why was it SO bad?

At 3:30am my heart started racing and I was breathless and dizzy – losing control. This panic attack came out of nowhere!. I got up to use the en-suite and collapsed, but my amazing husband Joel woke immediately and rushed to my side. Then he hugged me tight, that hug that let’s me know I’m not alone!

I ended up taking a strong dose of diazepam, but I still didn’t get much sleep and when my carer arrived at lunchtime I was stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted. She took such good care of me and was extra gentle, seeing me so poorly. I recognised at the end of the day that I’m a very lucky lady to have such wonderful souls looking after me!

Saturday 8th December

Hardly any sleep again last night! The meditation and breathing techniques I normally use didn’t help and the day was littered with panic attacks, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I was on full anxiety alert. Thankfully Joel was amazing with me through it all again and encouraged me to go downstairs for a change of scene.

Before going down I had a shower which was an accomplishment in itself. I still had panic rush up on me again and I just wanted to run away! But Joel guided me through it all, holding my hand I calmed down. Eventually, drained and emotional, I managed a 10 minute nap watching TV, on Saturday evening and finally got some relief.

I’ve not had a flare like this in years!

Sunday 9th December

I’ve managed to sleep much better at last, but I feel battered and bruised from the state of alert my body’s been in the last few days. I know my brain has had the acute stress response or fight or flight. This is exhausting as despite having a large toolkit for dealing with stress, I’ve struggled to access these strategies whilst in a state!

I’m being kind to myself today and have prioritised getting downstairs to be around my boys, so that they can make me laugh and help me heal. The mental bruises take just as long, if not longer than physical to heal, but I’m slowly building myself back up.

This link explains what might happen during a panic attack.

Monday 10th December

I’m still feeling fragile today, but at last my body has decided to catch up on some of the lost sleep. I’ve cat-napped all day, with a little break at lunchtime when my carer arrived. I have no idea what we were talking about but we were cackling away! Joel was working downstairs (a little cushion for me – knowing he’s around even if he’s busy) and commented on the cackling as soon as he did pop upstairs!

Now that I’m trying to process my feelings, I was brave and decided to write a poem about the feelings I experienced. It’s important to reflect on any kind of anxiety attack however you do it, but sweeping it under the carpet won’t help you in the future!

Tuesday 11th December

I finished the poem this morning when I woke up early. Most of my poems are at least started when I’m either not getting to sleep or waking early. This was an early morning finish! I love creating the poem on a lovely background, using stock photography, which is perfect for sharing on social media. I loved the reaction this poem received!

I also chose to explain a little about what I’d been exploring when I wrote this poem. However, I’m not yet used to being so open about my own mental health whilst I’m still fragile. But I’m committed to raising awareness and always think about the fact that what I write might help just one person!

I talk about my anxiety levels rising as the lack of sleep and increased pain added up. But although I’m drained, I do have a strong mental health toolkit – full of strategies that I practice regularly. I know how to use these help build myself back up. Knowing that I’m my only priority in this instance is key to bouncing back!

Well, I thought that I’d got my groove back as the week went on but I’ve struggled again the last few nights, especially last night when I managed about 90 minutes all night. Thankfully I dozed all morning, catching up a bit on all that lost sleep from pain. However, I’ve managed to keep the anxiety in a box by using my toolkit. See below…

No mental health blog is complete without a few top tips.

If you or someone you know suffers a panic attack, try these tips!

• Exercise

Exercise is one of the quickest way to deal with the raised stress levels that come with a panic attack. My physical illness stops me from going for a run (think flight…), but I can do some bed yoga, even though I take it even more carefully than normal! Some good stretches and shoulder rolls are a great way to shake it off!

• Talking through the experience

A panic attack is our body’s way of telling us we’re in danger. It’s unlikely you’re in any danger, but tight chests and trouble breathing are all primal reactions to danger. This can trick the mind, almost like a tripwire. So rationalise and talk your physical feelings through with someone. The more you practice, the sooner you’ll interrupt the signals between the brain and the body and if you do this when you’re not in the acute stage, the quicker your training will kick in when you do feel anxious or panicky.

• Laugh, Smile and spend time with your loved ones!

What can make the stress disappear more than having fun with your friends and family. Make time for each other, put down your phones and other technology and talk. You’ll notice how often I talk about being with Joel and my boys. They make me laugh out loud every day and the feeling is mutual. It’s one of the strongest things we have as a team and we are definitely the reason for all of us usually coping so well!

• Relaxation and Mindfulness

I talk about meditation and mindfulness in most of my blogs because they are the easiest ways to relax. You can train your brain to take it slowly and/or meditate daily so it calms and controls your breathing. Then you automatically have these skills to help you relax during an anxiety attack. Body Scan Guided Meditations are ideal (search YouTube) and I are some of the easiest meditations to start with. You may find that something else relaxes you, such as taking time to be present or sitting in nature.

I hope that this sneak peek into my world has helped give you an insight into panic attacks and how they can come about. I have let you in to these thoughts because I believe that mental health is as debilitating as physical health can be. They are also often intertwined and life can be tough and lonely if you keep it all inside. I feel very strongly that sharing my experiences is vital to ending the stigma that surrounds mental health. I only discuss this to raise awareness, I’m not seeking sympathy!

If there’s one thing you have learnt from my Date with Anxiety or one thing that you can take away to help yourself or your loved ones, then please let me know in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

**AND if you’re not affected directly, then please remember that you never know what someone is going through, so please take the time to listen and talk to each other!

I’ve referenced these websites and blogs whilst writing this post:

Anxiety and Panic Attacks- Mind.org

6 ways to switch off the fight or flight response

Understanding the stress response

How the flight or fight response works

How to stay sane when stuck in bed with chronic illness or recovering from surgery. An insider’s guide

Staying level headed with debilitating pain. 

Those of you that already follow my story know I’m no stranger to surgery. I’ve  had my 3rd brain stent surgery for IIH (Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension ) on 15th November. I was aiming to get downstairs on Saturday and I made it. It’s so important to have goals to keep you motivated. I had a family day yesterday too!

But I’m going to be spending this week in bed again recovering, as expected. My pain levels are high today and I had a bad night’s sleep, but I don’t regret it. Days with family are what keep you going . My condition is extremely debilitating but I’m not seeking sympathy; I share my experiences to raise awareness!

Please note: if you have questions about IIH, any chronic illness or mental health concerns; please speak to a trained health professional. These tips are about self care and any advice I share is based on my own experiences.

I shared this selfie on social media, 10 days after surgery. It was youngest’s 13th birthday and I was in bed, fed up that I couldn’t celebrate. The response to this post has been amazing. I received lots of supportive messages and my husband, Joel, was asked at work how I stay sane and positive when I’m stuck in bed for weeks – struggling to get to my en-suite bathroom at times.

So here’s my guide to staying sane as a chronic and invisible illness warrior! 

• Don’t fight the pain! I used to be determined not to give in to the pain and I’d push myself to do too much too soon, making my recovery take longer. Now, I try to listen to my body and have retrained my brain to know that it’s okay to rest, This has taken years of making mistakes, until being taught to recognise and change patterns in my behaviour by my coach, Josie (details below).

• Ask friends and family to tell you when you’re looking tired. It’s easy to miss signs that you’re flagging, but don’t shy away from asking those close to you to say if you look like you need to rest. If someone tells me I look rough I’m not offended, I just realise that I do hurt a lot and may need that pain relief!

• Remember your condition doesn’t only affect you. A delicate ecosystem occurs for most familes when someone has a chronic illlness. This means any change has an effect on family life. If you’re the one in constant pain, then your contribution to family life is probably limited. For example, I usually do online grocery shopping and am usually the mediator. Plan for those times when you can’t make your usual contribution. Try asking a friend to pop to the shops or do some jobs around the house, so your partner doesn’t have to do everything!

• Give yourself time to recover. I always seem to forget how tough living with daily high level pain is or how hard recovery from surgery is. So I tend to think I’ll cope better than I actually can. Now I set myself goals and break these down into smaller steps. E.g restarting your physio or getting dressed before venturing downstairs. Whatever goals/steps you take need to be all about you! This is the time to practice self care! Maybe keep a pain diary or notes after surgery, so you can look back at what has worked for you in the past,

• Be honest about having visitors. Let’s be honest, the novelty of surgery soon wears off and friends might get bored with your chronic illness. You’ll probably stop getting as many flowers and cards, but hopefully your friends will still support you as much as ever. For me, receiving a text cheers me up, but having visitors (when you can) is vital! You’ll get a mental boost and it breaks up the bedroom boredom. But, if you’re in too much pain; be brave and postpone. True friends will understand and if they don’t, then you don’t need them!

• Keep a gratitude journal. I spend time every day reflecting on what I’m thankful for. I write 3 positive things in my diary every night or the following morning, This can be anything and it’s the little things that count when you’re recovering from surgery or a bad flare. Washing my hair, managing to eat a proper meal, having a snuggle with Joel or a giggle with my boys mean so much to me in that acute pain phase. I’d suggest starting getting into this routine before surgery. It’s also really nice to share these with friends or family!

• Meditate. I can’t explain how much meditation helps keeps me calm in hospital and in the following weeks. I download my favourite meditations (in case there’s no WiFi) on my phone and take my headphones to block out the horrible noises on a ward. They also help me sleep between hourly obs through the night! I also use techniques I’ve learnt to visualise my happy place to lie still during a procedure or anaesthetic. You can read my tips for meditation here.

• Use affirmations to visualise positivity. Ok, so I know the word meditation may have scared you off, but stay with me! Using affirmations has been the key to staying sane through 3 brain and spine surgeries this year! I also use affirmations cards from TheYesMum  (@theyesmummum on Instagram) daily.

My coach Josie, from Worry Freedom created personalised affirmations to help manage my worries, which are mainly about how surgery impacts my family. She turned each concern into a positive affirmation, such as ‘I am proud that my boys have built resilience’. I record these as voice memos on my phone and listen to them before, during and after my stay in hospital. They’ve helped me to stop worrying about everyone else and concentrate on my one job – healing.

• Ask family to spend time with you in your bedroom. When you’re always in bed, it can get very lonely. So, whether it’s snuggling with Joel watching TV, having a chat about the day or watching a film with everyone on the bed; having my family come to me is so important. For example, we ate youngest’s birthday meal in my bedroom, so that I could still be a part of his special day.

• Entertainment. I’ve always been against TVs in bedrooms (personal choice), but after my first surgery Joel set one up in my bedroom so I could watch my favourite comfort movies. It’s stayed! I rely on my iPad so when we realised this was going to be our new normal, Joel set up Apple TV so I have lots of choice. I’ve also have audible and Spotify so I can listen to gentle music or spoken word on the days when I can’t open my eyes.
• Bonus Tip – When you’re doing better, but still stuck in bed or the house I think you need a hobby. Many chronic illness warriors craft and this helped me not to feel so lost when I’d been diagnosed. I’d taken silversmithing classes before falling ill, so I began making beaded and up-cycled creations. Now I run my own online business with an Etsy shop. I’m closed whilst I recover, but I’ll be posting more about this as I prepare for reopening. You can see what I make on my social media pages too. ⬇️

Paprika Jewellery & Accessories

Paprika on Facebook

Paprika on Instagram

Paprika on Pinterestl

Paprika on Twitter

So these are my top 10 tips for managing to stay positive, or at least rational when can’t do anything. But hey, we’re all different and these are just what works for me, If you’ve got the money to invest in working with a coach, do it! It’s all about finding solutions and a good coach can change your outlook! I had counselling after diagnosis, when I was still grieving for the life I’d had. If you’re struggling please talk to your GP/Doctor straight away!

Are you recovering from major surgery? Do you have a chronic illnesses? I’d love to hear about what you’ve tried if you’re housebound or bed-bound. What tips do you have to keep rational and level-headed? 

Being kind to myself; meditation and selfcare

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while, will know that I love to meditate. It’s one of the only things I can do to help relieve my constant pain; just a little bit. Meditation is taking time out to focus on yourself and introduce mindfulness into your daily routine. You can do visualisations or keep it simple with a guided meditation from YouTube. OI recommend The Honest Guys and Jason Stevenson. They just hit the tone perfectly and even have guided meditations that are specifically designed for those who are in physical pain. They are aimed at anyone who needs guided meditations and visualisations and are great for those with mental health problems; such as anxiety, depression. This two are especially good, as they are generic and great for beginners and anyone else!

• Healing light guided meditation by The Honest Guys
• Peace guided meditation By Jason Stephenson

Whilst I’ve been suffering from so many infections and heightened pain levels; I’ve forgotten how helpful I find meditation. Now this is one of the main issues that I have picked up on that are not helping me reach my goal for 2017. I made a promise to be kinder to myself. I am much better than I was and losing your way when you have set goals for yourself is normal; our brain fights to go back to what it knows, when we are trying to change our mindset.

So, I’ve revisited some of the steps towards my goal:

• I have worked hard to limit my to do list. I bought a diary so that I could plan out my social media engagement and tasks and creative themes for my business. I’ve used an erasable pen or pencil, so that I can move tasks if I’m having a bad day.
• I’ve been able to say no to friends visiting when I need rest days and tried really hard to celebrate my achievements.

However, I haven’t been so good at self care. I have got out of the habit of revisiting my pinterest vision board for achievements and positive quotes. Creating time for myself has been neglected a little; mainly by my meditation practice  disappearing from my daily routine. I’ve also neglected my writing. Both of these are so important for my mental health. I think I will try planning it into my day’s tasks in my diary. We’ve also made changes to my Carer’s tasks for the day and that has been an amazing help for them and myself.

Last week, my writing mojo returned and I have been honoured to join the team at The Fine Print of Pain. This is a brand new site, intended for people with chronic illness to have access to a plethora of advice, information and even has a space for chronic illness creators to show off their talents. This excites me so much. I wrote my first article to explaining IIH you can find this here. The editor, was stunned by my writing and said I had “produced an article that was articulate, focused, and properly done, especially for your first time! I feel so proud of this (and will add her words to my vision board). However writing like this today, about what is playing on my mind is so cathartic.

So, I have started this blog instead of meditating which  was my plan. However, I just felt so sick that I couldn’t settle. Being able to just write about what is happening for me now, has distracted me and my nausea is settling now (with a little anti-emetic help and a dose of oramorph). It’s reminded me how much writing helps me work on my positive mindset. I’m now going to pause, meditate and hopefully have a snooze and then I will finish what I have to say about meditation and self care; the first steps back to my daily routine for a positive mindset. It’s 10:52am. I’m going to listen to a sleep meditation to cleanse your chakras; appropriate for those with an affinity toholistic practice and spiritually.                  Before Sleep: Chakra Realignment

Ahhh….it’s now 12:20 and I’m having my Pukka ‘revitalise’ tea, tucked up in bed and feeling so much calmer. That is all it takes to remind me of the importance of this. My pain is lower, I feel a tiny bit more energised (still having a bed day though) and my shoulders are still lower than my ears! Ok, I still look poorly but I am, so I just have to deal with that!

Self-Care

The actions that individuals take for themselves, on behalf of and with others in order to develop, protect, maintain and improve their health, wellbeing or wellness. Source: The self-care forum.

I have been working towards all of these things with the support of an amazing group of women. It is run by an  inspirational Coach calls Josie Brocksom who runs Worry Free hypnotherapy and coaching. It makes me focus on recognising my needs so that I can be the best that I can possibly be. I highly recommend this lady and her fab blog too!

Next Steps

It’s now time for me to put into action some of those good habits that I have let slip.

• I will plan time to meditate at least once a day
• I will make use of #wednesdaywisdom by posting in here, on Twitter and my Facebook pages (personal and my Paprika Jewellery & Accessories page, which you’re very ŵelcome to visit) to help me revisit my vision board.
• Write regular blog posts, I’m going to aim for one a week, maybe a fortnight.
• Take praise on board and capture some of it to add to my vision board.
• Plan my social media time, so that I don’t let it take up too much of my time; which could be used creatively or as rest time

 

Why does sharing our story matter? Should we just tell friends and family or should we share with peers, colleagues and other sufferers too?

Last week was Mental Health Awareness week (MHAW) and I have been very busy posting links on my Personal twitter and Facebook sites for mental health awareness but also to a much wider audience with the Mission Migraine Twitter Account that I run. I have been posting many links to groups that challenge mental health stigma and also re-tweeting beautiful quotes and sayings that link beautifully to the practice of mindfulness. However, in the relationship my husband and I have, we always support each other (with a side order of competition 😉) and he agreed to speak to a fairly large group of colleagues as part of the MHAW for Lloyds Banking group about how we as a family have coped with the past 16 months-since Jan 2014-and how the pressure on the family has affected him in his high pressure role within the company.

In this blog I am going to talk about 3 things: How sharing can help you and others and why that is why I came to writing this blog in the first place; how mindfulness can help anyone aged from 4-104 years old and especially those dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues; how my husband’s talk went and how it impacted on us and those he spoke to and how this might affect his colleagues going forward.

1: Sharing

So, sharing is caring right? If I talk about what is happening to us and share it amongst our friends a) they begin to understand a little bit about what life is like for us. If I didn’t do that then they would likely to just see me on my good days (apart from about 4/5 very close friends who let themselves in the house through a keysafe, or even have their own key, and come to help whatever state I’m in and have seen me at 0 colour on the dulux chart and unable to get out of bed). They would say ”you’re looking well” and I would be thinking about giving out flyers to to explain that I have an invisible illness! And that is why I started writing. At first just on Mission Migraine; where every post gets shared publicly on my Facebook page, and then by deciding to start this blog; then the sharing has become huge and now through my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Tearsofstrength. I have more followers that I don’t know now, than I do my friends. It blows my mind when I think about that, and that’s not even counting my awesome followers here on WordPress and on Twitter! All in all over 250 followers and growing rapidly. Wow! And that is how showing your vulnerability, and deciding that by sharing your story you might help just one other person, means that sharing is the right thing to do. Plus it is undeniably cathartic for me and I love every minute spent writing, even though it can take a long time for me to finish a post (especially as I like to talk so much).

2: Mindfulness

This is about being in the present moment. It’s another way of thinking about meditating; except it’s even easier. You don’t need anything more than 5 minutes and a little bit of quiet and these 4 steps.

a)   Find a quiet space where you can sit by yourself and not be disturbed for at least 5 minutes. Even a toilet can work but a park or your bedroom might be nicer…

b)   TURN OFF YOUR MOBILE PHONE!!! Don’t just mute it, turn it off. It’s only for 5 minutes.

c)    Take 3 deep breaths in through your nose and deep into your belly, not into your shoulders. When you feel ready to, close your eyes. Now try and settle your breath into a comfortable rhythm. It should be deep still and your stomach should rise and fall. You could count 3/4 breaths in and out. You could even hold for 2 when you breath in before you breath out again. Or breath in for 3 and out for 4, until you are ready to settle into that comfortable deep breathing that you don’t need to think about. This can take some practise. Don’t worry if you get this wrong. It doesn’t matter just keep practising.

d)     Now think about somewhere you would love to be; maybe a tropical beach with the waves lapping the shore; a beautiful pool with a gentle trickling waterfall; a magical forest with trees reaching the sky and their leaves making the clouds, with the grass beneath your feet as soft as cashmere wool or sitting on top of a mountain, looking down at the beautiful lights of the city that are glittering like constellations of stars. Tell yourself the story of the place and use all your senses; think about sounds and smells as well as what you can see. That’s it. Simple as that. When you have finished; take 3 more deep breaths before you open your eyes again. Again this can take some practice and your mind may wander on to your shopping list or how your going to fit in making tonight’s tea and get to the gym. It doesn’t matter; there is no wrong in meditation and mindfulness, it is all just about accepting the present and being in the here and now. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Keep trying!

Now you can do this whenever and wherever and you don’t need to wait until you’ve finished work or anything. Infact, the less time you think you have to do this; the more you probably need to. I do this and also use guided meditation from YouTube such as this one:https://m.youtube.com/watch?sns=fb&v=PYsuvRNZfxE

There is more to mindfulness than this; it’s also about noticing the little things around you instead of rushing through your day all of the time. Joel talks a little bit about how he is becoming aware of that in his speech later. It’s about just trying to slow it down a little bi. It’s also about getting out and experiencing nature at the weekends instead of just being surrounded by technology all the time. It’s too much to go into now and I’m not an expert; I haven’t even read any books. I’m learning as I go and just trying to spread my time across time on myself and that on others. Time to be creative, time to rest and time to exercise (although that for me is just getting up and down the stairs and doing wrist circles!) There are things to read such as this…. (I haven’t)

I follow a really inspiring person on twitter and Facebook who is paralysed but is so positive and posts about mindfulness and he is worth checking out!

https://m.facebook.com/TheMovingRoad?_rdr or follow him on twitter @themovingroad.

The last part of this blog are not my own words but my husband Joel and I work as a team and always have; and this illness has done nothing but bring us closer together. When I posted on Facebook that he was doing this talk, many of my friends wanted to listen too; so we have decided to post the transcript of the talk below for you! I am so proud of him for speaking out.life as it is now is just as hard for him, if not harder! He has to see me in pain and can’t do any thing about it. I thank him so much for raising awareness among his colleagues, of not just how this situation has affected our family for MHAW, but how he, has amazingly maintained his senior role without letting anyone down and has in fact, continued to perform at an extremely strong level and then comes home to see his wife broken in pieces by the pain racking through her body. His strength and resilience are awe-inspiring and I hope that some of his colleagues that listen to his talk feel that they can comment on some of ‘laughing while you’re crying’s’ posts.

3: Joel’s speech to Lloyds TSB staff for MHAW15

Friday and the build up to and the fall out of, as well as the actual speech, was very emotional for him. He was in a room on his own and it was over a phone conference that people could dial into. It was also recorded and will be available to listen to across the whole bank but only internally. However, because of our synchronised feeling about sharing, as explained earlier, he has written down his speech and sent it to me. When I read it I cried; it brought home to me how much I’ve lost in this battle, because I don’t tend to think about it. It even made me wonder if I’ve talked much about what I did before I was ill, on my blog. This is because I focus on positives all the time and only think about what I can do! Some of what he has written could have been my words exactly. I have edited only slightly so that it doesn’t sound like a conference call anymore!

“* I will talk today about coping through sustained crisis and the emotional drain on mental health that living from day to day has on me and my family.

* I have responsibility for the data and business built systems across critical customer facing operations, supporting pan Group Operations on points of technical expertise and insight. This is a very demanding role, and I have a world class team around me in delivering what I do.

* I am happily married to Laura and we have two great boys! Zeke and Luca who are 11 and 9. Laura is a Primary School teacher and throughout her career we have all supported her in what is more than an all consuming vocation; where education is constantly in the fore of her mind. She is bright, energetic and driven- a real inspiration to a lot of peers and colleagues alike.

* Our lives have been hampered over the last 7 and a half years somewhat with what Laura was diagnosed with as chronic migraine. This was then episodic and typically resulted in weekends of dark rooms and quiet times.

* This all changed dramatically in January of 2014 when Laura suffered an episode which has since not gone away. She has subsequently been diagnosed with a rare brain condition called intracranial hypertension; where, in her case, the blood flow can get into the brain at normal pressure but cannot escape, leading to increased pressure and all of the following symptoms:

•  lack of mobility; Laura is housebound, and virtually bed bound. We use a wheelchair when the pain subsides enough to venture out to a quiet place.
• Aversion to noise and light
• reduced cognitive function; she is confused easily and can’t sustain a long conversation without increased pain

* You can imagine this has been, and continues to be a tough time for her, especially as the only potential treatment is yet to be approved in the form of pioneering surgery. She basically manages on a cocktail of very strong drugs, ice packs on her head and as much rest as the pain allows. This has left her disabled, and the rest of the family basically coping as carers-hence why sometimes it is a little tricky for me to balance work and home commitments.
* The reason I agreed to share my story with you all is to do with the very real link between coping through crisis and impacts on mental health. I would like to talk a bit about being aware of the signs of a mental struggle and difficulty, how we manage, and most importantly how we choose our mindset in battling through.

* One of the things I have been keen to do is practice mindfulness and setting the mindset for the day. It takes as much energy and effort to be positive, focused and driven to succeed as it does to allow negativity and failure to defeat you. To set my mindset I have to be aware of my behaviours-how are they impacting on others, how am I coping with the challenge, what are the telltale signs of falling to the more detrimental side of the knife edge we walk every day, and coaching myself through moments of anxiety; clearly brought on by the worry of living with pain, pressures of parenting, caring, household and career. I used to notice sometimes that my speech was affected, the feeling of a tight band of pressure around my chest, and a struggle to understand everything around me. At times like this, I focus on breathing, giving myself the time to calm down, and shrug my shoulders down- the mute button on my phone is perfect for this, though I may well look a bit odd in the office! I have been able to significantly reduce these episodes since accepting that I am struggling, and we as a family asked for help. I have had great support from my team and line manager-and I am particularly proud that I work for an organisation who values me enough to allow flexibility in expectations-admittedly I still have a few of those early morning calls-but the boys are great at tolerating my work while I drive them to school!

* It helps tremendously that we now have a PA who supports Laura with the simple every day things-and this reduces the worry and stress for me as the little things like washing or sweeping the floor aren’t what I am trying to catch up on at 10pm once the kids and Laura are in bed!

Laura is an inspiration to me and our kids-she is in constant pain but tries still to help and maintain as much normality as she can. One of the really powerful things she does is write a Blog which I have shared with you today. She spends the time debilitated in the house researching and reflecting on experiences of herself and others in chronic pain; and publishes her writing online. Her whole ethos, and that of the family as a team is one of positivity. We don’t focus on what we can’t do anymore, but on what we can do, and what achievements are possible within the confines of our circumstances.

My 9 year old boy Luca takes on the role of coach when encouraging Laura to crawl upstairs on the days she has made it to the lounge-a 15 minute journey-as every step of the way he encourages and celebrates. Zeke is the reflector and pragmatist, he is the voice of reason when he tells Laura perhaps she needs to take some medicine or lie down.

On the point of mindfulness-we do something a bit twee, but it works. Every day we look to reflect on the positives for the day, write them down and put them in a jar. This galvanises the positive for the day, allows us to reflect, and on the really dark days this can be more than a little tricky. On those days, we can get a ‘positive’ out and be immediately reminded of something to lift our spirits. Laura picked a lovely one out the other day after a brutal period of pain and borderline depression: ‘sitting on the sofa with mummy’; a real reminder that we don’t have to always do the huge things to make a difference to our kids.

* I really wanted to share my story to basically say that we are all strong in our own way, adversity tests us, but that positivity is something you work towards. The techniques that help in managing my well being are:

• setting a mindset of achieving rather than focussing on what we can’t do
• Working as a team-being prepared to ask for help from GP, line manager, family, friends
• Being aware of when behaviours aren’t what you’d expect of yourself; seeing this as you would a cut or a pain and seeking advice and help. Mental illness is an invisible condition-that doesn’t make it any less real-be aware of those telltale signs and be prepared to ask for help
• Most of all-talk-be prepared to accept that we aren’t all invulnerable. “

Joel’s talk received a standing ovation around many different offices where people were listening in. He has had fantastic feedback from those listening and from his direct management. The recording will be available soon for anyone in the bank. Numbers are rising on my Facebook page and there has been a lovely comment and lots of likes on the posts. I hope that reading this incredibly long post has shown you why being part of such a great team-my family-and having such a strong relationship with my husband is what helps me to stay positive and gives me the courage to get up every day that I can. And, believe me, I do know how luckily I am to have that!  Stay strong!