Tag Archives: goal setting

How to Write Awesome 2019 Goals Without Feeling Overwhelmed!

It’s Goal Setting Time. So how can you do this effectively, with a positive mindset? Here are my Top Tips!

 

4f7969ae-5b8a-4422-8806-d68a69b6ad66

Okay, I know there are heaps of blogs out there about planning your goals for 2019, but (and this is a BIG but), there aren’t many out there which give you tips, based on science, to help stop nasty overwhelm and anxiety come knocking.

So, if you’re likely to be run ragged over resolutions; inundated with intentions; in a tiz over targets or engulfed in a goal funk then you NEED to read this post! You can interrupt that cycle of overwhelm and anxiety triggers.

81112dd5-de38-4a19-bb2a-eed17de8b240

Why Me? 

Well, I’ve been there year after year. I’d make resolutions that would be forgotten by the end of January and endless to do lists that grew overnight. That was just at home! At work I’d have pages of lists and plans for every second. But, my professional targets would be in a folder until a week before my progress review!

I spent years making lists about lists and overflowing lists of things going round in my head, often keeping me up at night. I’d get distracted and put off doing what would move me forwards and achieve my goals. But now I know how to keep on top of my to do lists and manage my busy brain so I don’t get overwhelmed! You can too!

When Change Was Needed

When I fell ill in January 2014, you can imagine there were no resolutions being made. My focus was all on the one thing that was out of my control – getting better [I’ll come back to that]! I made a conscious choice not to make resolutions the next year, as they’re just too broad for me. I’d put too much pressure on myself, over-thinking and having negative experiences as it felt unachievable!

When I started taking my own business more seriously, even though it was mainly a pain distractor and boredom buster, I still wanted to succeed so I joined a new Facebook group, run by a coach called Josie. I was really excited by what she was saying about living with less worry, especially learning about the science behind my feelings. It was just what I needed to hear! Now I’m going to share some of what Josie’s taught me with you! You can read about what she does here: Worry Free

I soon realised I was still trying to do too much, leaving me drained when my husband and 2 boys needed me. I ended up giving myself just 1 goal: ‘I Will Be Kind To Myself’! I learnt so much about myself, mostly, that my family come 1st – Always! I’ve worked with Josie on my goals for the last 3 years now and each time has been different. From her amazing live videos, small group conference calls and support.

This year I’ve used her brand new Goal Creator download and video, which I’ll tell you how to get for FREE at the end of the post….

How To Write Awesome Goals for 2019 without being overwhelmed! 

95e59f7a-52bd-453d-9c9f-951ec98a7bbd

The Big Review

One of THE most important parts of Goal Setting is looking back at what’s worked well for you in the past and what you could improve. It’s really important that you don’t skip this bit! Here I’ll share 2 exercises that might help you. Try it and see!

  • Look back at 3 of your biggest achievements and 3 experiences that didn’t go well (avoiding triggers). List what stands out on both occasions?
  • List all that went well for you in 2018. Do this quickly, without thinking too much. Is there anything from your goals that you didn’t achieve as you wanted to? Do you notice any patterns that could help with planning goals this year?

Finally, don’t worry if you didn’t achieve all of last years goals. You can be flexible.

d35e067f-2c51-42a4-ad88-f95a62ab0e1e

Life Choices

Before doing anything, take a moment to think about your needs. Are you thinking how to create what you want more of or less of in your life? Overwhelm occurs if you don’t create balance. This exercise from Josie’s 6 week goal setting course can really help you zoom in on your needs. She explains it in more detail, but have a go!

  1. Roles – family, worklife, hobbies and community/your tribe.
  2. Relationships – family, friends, loved ones and other positive interactions.
  3. Self Worth –  positive mindset/thoughts and how you value yourselfY

Priorities  

You may have a long list at this point. Now narrow it down to just 3 or 4 goals. Try rating these areas from 1 to 10.  This is based on an exercise from The Goal Creator.

  • Personal Growth
  • Emotional Well-being
  • Romance
  • Family & Friendships
  • Self Care
  • Hobbies and Fun
  • Career/Work
  • Money
  • Your own Environment
  • Health, Nutrition and Fitness

c39b0646-2435-4e0c-9fd0-fd35b382fa07

Which of these score the lowest number? The lowest of these should help you prioritise 3 or 4 goals. What do you need more of? What do you need less of?

 

 

What Might Be Holding You Back

Jot down the 3 or 4 goals you’re thinking of. Now take a step back and think of what might be holding you back from achieving them? Have you got any fears or worries?

There could be a few reasons for this. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is this goal out of your control? Remember when I said ‘Getting Better’ is my ideal goal, but I can only control some aspects of this. Yours could be ‘Becoming a Millionaire’. But things you can’t control at all, need to go. If you could control parts of it, then make the bit you can control your goal.
  • Is it jumbled in your mind? Is there too much going round in your head and you can’t work out what to focus on?  Too help, can you see how the goal you’re thinking of fits into your Roles, Relationships and/or Self Worth?
  • Is it too much to do? It’s quite possible that in your excitement, you’ve forgotten  these aren’t your long term goals. Realistically is it something you can do in under a year? If you don’t think so, then making this a goal could make you feel overwhelmed. Break it down into smaller chunks and try again.
  • Is something already bothering you about this goal? Maybe you feel overwhelmed by how much you’ve got to do. Or maybe you feel pressure to succeed. Jot down everything you’re worrying about, then come back to it. Here’s a bit of science about Fear when setting and achieving our goals.

When under too much stress, the body’s natural response to fear may trigger the fight – flight response. When triggered, our bodies release chemicals which cause a burst of energy and strength, raising our heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate. This primal response to fear or stress is because our bodies can’t tell the difference between real or perceived threats. This may lead responses such as – anxiety attacks (flight), guilt (fight) or procrastination (freeze). The Fight or Flight response occurs when we are overwhelmed by everything we need to do. Want more? Click this link

Setting Goals

2eb6658e-25f7-4f75-86f7-597923ac950f

Now you should have some clarity on the goals you need to set. However, this is just a taster of the process that Josie takes you through with her Goal Creator training that you can get FOR FREE! So if you’d like more support then check out what she has to offer you at the end of this post!

  1. Write down the 3 or 4 goals you’ve chosen to focus on. Why have you chosen these? What positive effect will working on these goals have?
  2. Write down the steps you need to achieve each of your goals. Include everything that will accomplish your goals, especially the little things that may seem obvious – they’re important.
  3. Use definite language for each goal – using ‘I will’ instead of ‘I want to’. Using this language helps to set your mindset and believe that you will achieve your goal in 2019!
  4. Go back to each step and set a date that you think is reasonable for completing  that step. This holds you accountable for your actions and keeps you focused.
  5. Write down your goals where you’ll see them daily. Get creative! This ensures you’re thinking of your goals each day and will encourage you to act!
  6. Choose a reward for completing each goal. How will you celebrate? It doesn’t have to be a material reward, you can get your a manicure or have a date night, for example. This might seem silly, but it’s a really important part of the process. Josie has kindly explained the science behind using rewards:

The brain loves rewards. It loves to feel like it’s getting somewhere. So, when we reward ourselves for small actions, we are sending positive brain chemicals around our bodies. The more we do this, the more we create these positive chemicals which encourage us to do more of the things that keep us safe and well. The more we do this we are creating positive reinforcement. So the more positive actions we take, the greater success we will have. This will keep you focused, motivated and feeling good!

In Conclusion 

When you have lots running around your head you can get into a negative cycle of overthinking. Having a busy brain can affect both your physical and mental health! Getting your ideas down on paper will help you to stop worrying about everything.

Then you can work around your strengths and create a positive mindset for goal setting. When you consider your priorities you can create meaningful goals, which can be broken into small, manageable steps. Finally, by rewarding wins, you create a positive cycle which leads to more and more success. Now go and create your awesome goals for 2019, without feeling overwhelmed!

The Goal Creator 

Yay – you’ve found the link to Josie’s FREE Goal Creator training, that’s brand new for 2019! Whether you’ve read all my tips or skimmed your way here; It’s a win!

The Goal Creator workbook and video will help you get clarity of mind by getting things down on paper. You’ll be able to move forwards and take small actionable steps to stop overwhelm and lead you to success.

The Goal Creator Free workbook

df5e4e01-d93e-42ee-8c8b-67307b454b6a

Advertisements

How to stay sane when stuck in bed with chronic illness or recovering from surgery. An insider’s guide

Staying level headed with debilitating pain. 

Those of you that already follow my story know I’m no stranger to surgery. I’ve  had my 3rd brain stent surgery for IIH (Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension ) on 15th November. I was aiming to get downstairs on Saturday and I made it. It’s so important to have goals to keep you motivated. I had a family day yesterday too!

But I’m going to be spending this week in bed again recovering, as expected. My pain levels are high today and I had a bad night’s sleep, but I don’t regret it. Days with family are what keep you going . My condition is extremely debilitating but I’m not seeking sympathy; I share my experiences to raise awareness!

Please note: if you have questions about IIH, any chronic illness or mental health concerns; please speak to a trained health professional. These tips are about self care and any advice I share is based on my own experiences.

I shared this selfie on social media, 10 days after surgery. It was youngest’s 13th birthday and I was in bed, fed up that I couldn’t celebrate. The response to this post has been amazing. I received lots of supportive messages and my husband, Joel, was asked at work how I stay sane and positive when I’m stuck in bed for weeks – struggling to get to my en-suite bathroom at times.

3EA09479-4F11-4427-A7E9-C1C83CFDB295

So here’s my guide to staying sane as a chronic and invisible illness warrior! 

  • Don’t fight the pain! I used to be determined not to give in to the pain and I’d push myself to do too much too soon, making my recovery take longer. Now, I try to listen to my body and have retrained my brain to know that it’s okay to rest, This has taken years of making mistakes, until being taught to recognise and change patterns in my behaviour by my coach, Josie (details below).
  • Ask friends and family to tell you when you’re looking tired. It’s easy to miss signs that you’re flagging, but don’t shy away from asking those close to you to say if you look like you need to rest. If someone tells me I look rough I’m not offended, I just realise that I do hurt a lot and may need that pain relief!

CAFC0B98-59D1-4C37-A460-46A081371138

  • Remember your condition doesn’t only affect you. A delicate ecosystem occurs for most familes when someone has a chronic illlness. This means any change has an effect on family life. If you’re the one in constant pain, then your contribution to family life is probably limited. For example, I usually do online grocery shopping and am usually the mediator. Plan for those times when you can’t make your usual contribution. Try asking a friend to pop to the shops or do some jobs around the house, so your partner doesn’t have to do everything!
  • Give yourself time to recover. I always seem to forget how tough living with daily high level pain is or how hard recovery from surgery is. So I tend to think I’ll cope better than I actually can. Now I set myself goals and break these down into smaller steps. E.g restarting your physio or getting dressed before venturing downstairs. Whatever goals/steps you take need to be all about you! This is the time to practice self care! Maybe keep a pain diary or notes after surgery, so you can look back at what has worked for you in the past,

F66BE24E-8AC9-4769-B3F6-9DA3AB9A00A4

  • Be honest about having visitors. Let’s be honest, the novelty of surgery soon wears off and friends might get bored with your chronic illness. You’ll probably stop getting as many flowers and cards, but hopefully your friends will still support you as much as ever. For me, receiving a text cheers me up, but having visitors (when you can) is vital! You’ll get a mental boost and it breaks up the bedroom boredom. But, if you’re in too much pain; be brave and postpone. True friends will understand and if they don’t, then you don’t need them!
  • Keep a gratitude journal. I spend time every day reflecting on what I’m thankful for. I write 3 positive things in my diary every night or the following morning, This can be anything and it’s the little things that count when you’re recovering from surgery or a bad flare. Washing my hair, managing to eat a proper meal, having a snuggle with Joel or a giggle with my boys mean so much to me in that acute pain phase. I’d suggest starting getting into this routine before surgery. It’s also really nice to share these with friends or family!
  • Meditate. I can’t explain how much meditation helps keeps me calm in hospital and in the following weeks. I download my favourite meditations (in case there’s no WiFi) on my phone and take my headphones to block out the horrible noises on a ward. They also help me sleep between hourly obs through the night! I also use techniques I’ve learnt to visualise my happy place to lie still during a procedure or anaesthetic. You can read my tips for meditation here.
  • Use affirmations to visualise positivity. Ok, so I know the word meditation may have scared you off, but stay with me! Using affirmations has been the key to staying sane through 3 brain and spine surgeries this year! I also use affirmations cards from TheYesMum  (@theyesmummum on Instagram) daily.

image

My coach Josie, from Worry Freedom created personalised affirmations to help manage my worries, which are mainly about how surgery impacts my family. She turned each concern into a positive affirmation, such as ‘I am proud that my boys have built resilience’. I record these as voice memos on my phone and listen to them before, during and after my stay in hospital. They’ve helped me to stop worrying about everyone else and concentrate on my one job – healing.

  • Ask family to spend time with you in your bedroom. When you’re always in bed, it can get very lonely. So, whether it’s snuggling with Joel watching TV, having a chat about the day or watching a film with everyone on the bed; having my family come to me is so important. For example, we ate youngest’s birthday meal in my bedroom, so that I could still be a part of his special day.
  • Entertainment. I’ve always been against TVs in bedrooms (personal choice), but after my first surgery Joel set one up in my bedroom so I could watch my favourite comfort movies. It’s stayed! I rely on my iPad so when we realised this was going to be our new normal, Joel set up Apple TV so I have lots of choice. I’ve also have audible and Spotify so I can listen to gentle music or spoken word on the days when I can’t open my eyes.
  • Bonus Tip – When you’re doing better, but still stuck in bed or the house I think you need a hobby. Many chronic illness warriors craft and this helped me not to feel so lost when I’d been diagnosed. I’d taken silversmithing classes before falling ill, so I began making beaded and up-cycled creations. Now I run my own online business with an Etsy shop. I’m closed whilst I recover, but I’ll be posting more about this as I prepare for reopening. You can see what I make on my social media pages too. ⬇️

Paprika Jewellery & Accessories

Paprika on Facebook

Paprika on Instagram

Paprika on Pinterestl

Paprika on Twitter

6775A71C-8495-497C-A730-A64D69A6E60E

So these are my top 10 tips for managing to stay positive, or at least rational when can’t do anything. But hey, we’re all different and these are just what works for me, If you’ve got the money to invest in working with a coach, do it! It’s all about finding solutions and a good coach can change your outlook! I had counselling after diagnosis, when I was still grieving for the life I’d had. If you’re struggling please talk to your GP/Doctor straight away!

Are you recovering from major surgery? Do you have a chronic illnesses? I’d love to hear about what you’ve tried if you’re housebound or bed-bound. What tips do you have to keep rational and level-headed? 

Chronic Illness Bloggers