How to Fulfil your Destiny When Time Seems Vast.
Thoughts and Poetry on Chronic Illness and the Vastness of Time.
Have you ever wondered about your Destiny?
Maybe you’re not into fate or destiny, but I bet you’ve got at least one big dream for yourself, or a vision for the world. But it can seem like there’s just so much time that you don’t need to worry. Or like there’s just not enough hour’s in the day!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and 2 things come to mind.
Ok, I know this one sounds a bit hippie, but I’ve been thinking about my purpose in life since being diagnosed with chronic illnesses and how this affects my outlook on life. I’ve realised that it’s to be there for my husband and my kids!
I’m so lucky to have Joel in my life. He’s everything to me and who knew when we met 21+ years ago, that we’d be living this life now. I found my best friend who gives me strength to beat the obstacles every day.
Yeah, so I’m stuck in bed most days but we adapt and still have fun, laughter, love, honesty and support. He does so much. I couldn’t ask any more of him! So I wrote this poem for him! But I hope something in it resonates with you too.
Do you have someone special in your life? Do you have a Soulmate? I’d love to hear your stories too.
We have 2 amazing teenage boys together. When anyone meets them, I receive comments on how polite they are. That’s just incredible to hear as a parent. I mean, we did put in a lot of hard work when they were little. Those foundations have enabled them to develop empathy and an understanding of the wider world, so that they’re very caring.
When I was teaching, even though I was part time, it was really hard to juggle everything. So I’d often be collecting the boys after 6 and then cooking tea, do8ng bedtime and then getting back on with work.
Now I get to see them every day after school for a proper chat. We have a really honest relationship and they feel comfortable talking to both of us. We also sit and watch movies together that appeals to their sense of humour too.
I was so scared of having teenagers, but I’m really lucky as I have a great relationship with them, as does Joel, and in my opinion, It was all meant to be. I know how lucky I am., but we’ve worked hard for that too!
Whatever your situation is, there’s something you were destined for. Being a great mum, having a great career or anything else that makes you the awesome human you are!
We often think we have all the time in the world – that it’s vast. But I’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t actually have that much time! I’ve always wanted to do as much as I can in life, so when I found out I had an incurable disease, it was a huge adjustment. How could I still enjoy life, when the outside world made me so ill?
I had no idea in January 2014 when I fell ill how much time this Illness was going to take from me. I had no idea when I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. I had no idea until I’d really and truly grieved for my life before being sick. So far it’s only been 1473 (I think) days and I’ve spent most of that in bed!!
I can’t live the rest of my life like that! So I made the decision that I had to make the most of every day, even the bad days. I’ve focused my time on resting when I need to, so that I can spend my time with my family and friends.
I try to rest (I’m not so good at completely resting still) on Mondays and Fridays and obviously any other days that I feel too poorly to do anything on. When I say I do things, I mean that I write a poem or a blog or do the social media and marketing I need to for my business.
I’m still trying to get the right balance with this and not keep comparing what I can do to what anyone else does, even if they’re chronically ill too! It’s so hard to be a doer, when you can’t do!
So also still see my friends unless I’m not going to be good company. I still go downstairs on the weekends, even if it’s only for a couple of hours.
I felt quite unwell all weekend, but even after saying to Joel that I felt too ill, I reminded myself of this promise I’ve made. I went downstairs both days of the weekend. I even helped Youngest prep and organise 2 courses from his Wagamama cookbook (a Christmas gift).
I love cooking and he loves cooking, so we’re trying to make something together each weekend. It’s really helped me to start bringing the things I loved before getting ill back into my life as much as possible. So,, I didn’t quite finish the job and had to hand over to Joel for the cooking part, so I could go back to the sofa as I was shaking.
yeah, the4e’s always fall out from doing things, but even more so if I’m not that well at the start. So yes I didn’t really sleep for a few nights and yes, I’ve been in pain all week. I’m just about okay now and it’s Thursday! Do I wish I’d stayed in bed all day instead – NO WAY! **Full disclosure: I was in bed most of the weekend too!
My point is, is that we have a finite time to be who we want and dream of being. We have a finite time to be with those we love and enjoy spending time with on this Earth. I don’t mean to be somber but it’s true, whatever you believe. I don’t mean to start a religious/Theological debate here, so if you disagree, well, there you go, we’re all unique!
Back to my point:
What are you waiting for?
It’s not just going to arrive in your lap is it? You have to work for it and illness or negative thinking shouldn’t derail you! It might mean a diversion and that’s fine, you do you! Just don’t let pain stop you living! Find what motivate you and use it! Find your inner strength and just keep going! Whether you have chronic illness, a mental health condition or you’re fit and healthy: don’t keep putting off things.
Spend time with those you love. Think about what you bring to the world. You’re unique and your experiences make you who you are. Find your sense of purpose.
Embrace it, embrace time, embrace destiny, embrace life!
What’s positive in your life? Are you making enough time for them/it?